10 December 2006

Augury

From Malaysia comes word of a giant eagle with human facial features that’s been terrorizing workers on a palm fruit plantation.1

According to eyewitness reports, “The eagle had the face of a man! The face was snow white just like feathers of the bird, but it had a hooked nose, deep set human eyes, a thin mouth and pointed chin.”2

Given the perplexing nature of this encounter, it was inevitable that an old man in a nearby village would be consulted. Subsequently, an old man “warned them that a person coming face to face with such a bird would normally go blind.”

Shortly thereafter the worker who sighted the man-faced eagle was struck in the eye by a “loose fruit”, and it took nearly three months before he recovered completely.3

1Notice the linked article includes an actual photograph of palm fruit trees similar to ones the man-faced eagle was observed in.

2Palm fruits are kosher.

3What did you expect?

06 December 2006

It was a Nintendo Game Boy

A woman in Columbia, South Carolina had her 12 year old son arrested for opening his Christmas present too early. Given the ongoing disintegration of the American family it’s likely such incidents will become more common. Many of today’s parents, especially single mothers, are incapable of controlling their kids, so why not let the police handle it? Only the unruliest of brats would refuse to eat his vegetables and pick up his toys if he knew his belligerence would result in being Tasered, handcuffed, and taken downtown to spend the night in a jail cell. Sassing your mom is one thing, but sassing a burly cop with a billy-club and gun is another. At some point in the future expect a separate police force to be created that specializes entirely in child discipline.

04 December 2006

Hazy, he said

A Londonderry man named Emmet Sweeney is causing quite a stir with his claim the Pyramids “were built around 800BC when people had access to steel. That is a big reduction in the chronology."

Coming on the heels of the startling revelation Stonehenge didn’t exist prior to the 1890’s, it’s becoming obvious much of the past is more recent than previously thought.

17 years ago

“You must have noticed that more and more American movies are based on comic strips (the Superman series, Batman, the upcoming Dick Tracy), or on what might as well be comic strips (the Indiana Jones series, the so far only two Ghostbusters, Who Framed Roger Rabbit?, and scads more). You will also have noticed how many movies are sequels (the list is endless). What does this mean? It is the sinister confluence of two unwholesome manifestations: rabid nostalgia and a frenzy for playing it safe.”

“Will audiences never get tired of invincible Good disguising itself in mask and cape and, with or without a faithful companion (Tonto, Robin, Lois Lane), foiling vincible Evil in the nick of time? And what is so fascinating - except to nerds, who can identify themselves, realistically, with the Clark Kent persona while dreaming themselves into the Other - about the cut-and-dried dual personality of the superman-hero?”
- from John Simon's review of the movie "Batman" [John Simon on Film: Criticism, 1982-2001].