Across Difficult Country

I laughed when Ugandan President Yoweri Museveni announced his dream of going to the moon (“ We must also go there and say: ‘What are you people doing up here ?’”). At the time, I had no idea he owned a $48 million private plane, purchased using money given to him by the US and EU . Now he is using $22 million in foreign aid to buy seven supersonic fighter jets Ugandans can’t fly or maintain . Our generosity, then, may have caused Museveni to believe Western nations will someday buy him a rocket ship . I’m starting to believe it myself.

In 1658 the eminently learned Sir Kenelme Digby performed an experiment using a “well-polished silver bason” proving the “rayes of the moon are cold and moist.” Why lunar rayes are cold is obvious, but the source of their moistness has long been a puzzle (Sir Kenelme attributed the dampness to the sun, mistakenly believing the sun to be a “humid star”). But last week scientists at the Carnegie Institution's Geophysical Laboratory  finally found the answer. Moonbeams are moist because the Moon has lots of water in it , at least a “100 times more” than “previous estimates”. RELATED: Digby's extrordinary street fight .

In three days the war on the moon begins .

Researchers at the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki discovered a new benefit to smoking  that may prevent the sort of insufferable, overwrought rhapsodizing about food amateur gluttons and professional restaurant critics indulge in. Researchers not at the Aristotle University of Thessaloniki found a “ space giraffe ” frolicking on the lunar surface. Does this mean NASA’s plan to bomb the moon violates the Endangered Species Act? Lawyers for the space agency refuse to comment.

I cannot omit to add hereunto another experiment, which is, that we find by the effects, how the rayes of the moon are cold and moist. ... The beams then which come from the moon, are those of the sun, which glancing upon her, reflect upon us, and so bring with them the atoms of that cold and humid star, which participates of the source whence they come: therefore if one should expose a hollow bason, or glass, to assemble them, one shall find, that whereas those of the sun do burn by such a conjuncture, these clean contrary do refresh and moisten in a notable manner, leaving an aquatic and viscous glutining kind of sweat upon the glass. One would think it were a folly that one should offer to wash his hands in a well-polished silver bason, wherein there is not a drop of water, yet this may be done by the reflection of the moonbeams only, which will afford a competent humidity to do it; but they who have tried this, have found their hands, after they are wiped, to be much moister than u...

A year and a half ago when I wrote  "Once the War on the Earth is won we can launch a much needed pre-emptive strike on mankind’s second greatest enemy: the moon," I had little hope my alarum would sway the powers that be, but I'm happy to report the attack is scheduled for the fall : The planned October 9, 2009 bombing of the moon by a NASA orbiter that will bomb the moon with a 2-ton kinetic weapon...The NASA moon bombing, a component of the LCROSS mission, may also trigger conflict with known extraterrestrial civilizations on the moon as reported on the moon in witnessed statements by U.S. astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong, and in witnessed statements to NSA (National Security Agency) photos and documents regarding an extraterrestrial base on the dark side of the moon. I must have a fan at NASA, or in the MJ-12.

Racial “progress” is everywhere one looks. For the first time ever, both coaches in the Superbowl are black, I'm told an Hispanic and a black are running for president, and in Puerto Rico a Mocha Vampire has been sighted. From Count Dracula to Nosferatu to Keith Richards, vampirism has been a lily-white field, but in 1972 Blacula shattered the vampiric color barrier. 1 Unfortunately, after that the trend toward greater diversity seemed to stall - until now: "[T]he Moca Vampire had its own agenda. On March 18, 1975, two goats belonging to Hector Vega, a resident of Moca’s Barrio Pueblo, were found drained of blood. Puncture marks on the goats’ necks were the unmistakable sign that the strange entity causing the deaths was still at large and hungrier than ever: it returned to Vega’s farm the following night to finish off ten more goats and wound another seven. The horrified farmer also discovered that ten additional goats had gone missing." 1 There is considerable conf...