15 September 2009

A dumb blankness full of meaning

A despicable thief driving a white van remains at large in Espanola:
The Espanola Lions Club and Espanola Volunteer Firefighters held a food drive, a door-to-door drive, in town in June…They asked for people to leave out bagged non-perishable items on their doorsteps for pick up around 5:00 pm in the evening.

However, someone, as far as we know, driving a white van, went around earlier in the afternoon and picked up items.
Perverts driving white vans tried to abduct boys in Sydney and Fall River, and some girls in Fort Dodge.

In St. Louis a pair of masked men gunned down Aisia A. Johnson, then sped off in a white van.

In West Wolds a white van "pulled up and a male asked the informant if he had any scrap metal. The van has since been seen in the area by other neighbours and seems to go down every street very slowly”

"Have any scrap metal?” is, of course, street lingo for “do you have a goat I could fornicate with?”

08 September 2009

Save the babies

Newsweek reports white babies as young as 6 months are racists. I can’t say I’m surprised, I’ve always found the character of babies suspect. Selfish, prone to rage, lacking any concept of law or morality, and there is no way all the inappropriate crapping is accidental.

To prevent me from being a baby bigot, on the rare occasions my parents visited me in the nursery they wore blackface. This continued into early childhood, up until they stopped having anything to do with me altogether. They also had my black nanny disguise herself as a Chinaman, and on weekends forced the Mexican gardener dress up as an Hasidic Jew.

Exposure to such an innovative program of conditioning might explain my scores on implicit association tests (I haven't the slightest taint of unconscious bias), as well as my love of minstrelsy.

In other exciting baby news, a faun was born in Zimbabwe
The community of Lower Gweru and its surroundings in the Midlands Province was left shell-shocked when a goat gave birth to human-like creature that had the combined features of a man and a goat..

The creature had a human head, face, nose, shoulders and human-like skin that had very scanty furs.

It had goat features from the “shoulders” to the legs...

Midlands Governor and Resident Minister Jason Machaya, police and the media visited Maboleni area to have first-hand information.

Governor Machaya said it was disgracing that a man can stoop so low opting for animal company in a world full of women.

“This incident is very shocking. It is my first time to see such an evil thing. It is really embarrassing. The head belongs to a man while the body is that of a goat. This is evident that an adult human being was responsible. Evil powers caused this person to lose self control,” he said.

“We often hear cases of human beings who commit bestiality but this is the first time* for such an act to produce a product with human features.”
*In March a half human - half cow was born in Mazabuka, Zambia.