Giant lizards were discovered living in the "heavily populated and highly deforested" Philippines island of Luzon. The shy reptiles, a new species, are vegetarians and didongular. Scientists say the six and a half foot long lizards escaped detection by spending “all their time high up in trees”. Obviously scientists are so lazy hiding from them is easy, something to remember the next time a scientist denies the existence of the Sandsend Blob.
People buying shiny iPads, putting them in leather cases, downloading the New Yorker, blissful looks upon their faces, rubbing iPads on their nipples, overcome with jubilation. Just announced, read Spider-Man! It all exceeds imagination.