Approximately five miles east of Cassville, Missouri, on the edge of the Mark Twain National Forest, a Springfield boy is trapped in a cave. I’m setting up an account in order to raise a minimum of $10,000 in donations on behalf of the Springfield Cave Boy. Two weeks and 5 days from now I will wager these donations on the 132nd Running of the Kentucky Derby. I will re-invest 50% of any winnings at other horse tracks, the rest I will squander. This I promise you, Cave Boy.

In other tragic cave news, this time from the Island of Tobago:
“the body of “Swami,” a well-known figure in the Plymouth area, was found in a cave on a beach in the vicinity of the Arnos Vale Hotel on Sunday.”
No one had seen Swami for a month, last Sunday a villager dropping by Swami's grotto nosed his corpse. Swami had lived in the cave for the past 30 years, and by all accounts had a good time doing it. Think of Swami at the end of the month when your rent check or mortgage is due.

Goodbye, Swami. I’m sure if he weren’t trapped in a cave five miles east of Cassville, Missouri, Cave Boy would be saying goodbye to you, too.


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