25 September 2006

Sacred Duty

"There are countless horrible things happening all over the country, and horrible people prospering, but we must never allow them to disturb our equanimity or deflect us from our sacred duty to sabotage and annoy them whenever possible." - Auberon Waugh

21 September 2006

16 Volts Unplugged

The bastards got to Ilkka Kokkarinen, and now he's shut down his blog Sixteen Volts.

Among his transgressions was observing lesbians are fat ("and usually lesbians do eat a lot, as you can tell just by looking at them"), which no one, not even his idiot persecutors, denies, but apparently the Canadian P.C. police are worried if it's said out loud it might lead to angry mobs of skinny heterosexual people beating fat lesbians with hockey sticks or something.

Anyone with interesting information about Alireza Sadeghian, Mandy Ridley, Ryerson University's spineless President Sheldon Levy, Huda Assaqqaf and anyone else at the Ryerson "Women's Centre", please email me.

16 September 2006

Mr. E. Coli to the white courtesy phone

Organic spinach has killed one person and aggravated the bowels of nearly a hundred others, making it a far worse nuisance than second hand smoke, which has never killed anyone. So instead of eating a potentially toxic salad, why not play it safe and enjoy a tasty, E. coli free cigarette instead? Perhaps warning labels should be placed on spinach bags suggesting this.

Bonus:

"Often you hear some people describe someone as shapeless. This is a very wrong statement because every human being has his or her own peculiar shape." - Calista Ezeaku waxing philosophically in The Tide News Online.

14 September 2006

Threat Alert

The Department of Homeland Security encourages patriotic citizens to submit information regarding security threats. I myself recently alerted DHS of a plan to infiltrate America with potential terrorists, as well as the identity of the diabolical mastermind behind the plot.

Elsewhere: The All Poetry Network

"The world will fail in your description;
You arrive late in the ruined house
To wonder at the immediate tasks, the
Mere beginings, stirrings of light and air,
The exact picture of your distraction,
Dictating a steady presence--
You will not yield, but what is given
Shall deaden to your advantage the
Speech that praises only the condition,
Partial justices made wholly bitter..."

-from The Death of Metaphor, by Edward Williams

12 September 2006

Guga

Angry animal rights activists have vowed to end the traditional Hebridean guga hunt, an annual event where a team of 10 rugged men from Ness, on the Isle of Lewis, sail 40 miles to the northwest to the small, rocky, uninhabited island of Sula Sgeir to live for two weeks in stone huts and hunt gugas.

Don’t tell the animal rights fanatics, but there are no such things as gugas. These hunts are a pretext for a fortnight of drunkenness and high jinks away from the wife and brats. On the way home after the “hunt” the fellows stop at Tesco’s to buy packages of assorted frozen chicken parts that will be soaked in salt water then boiled in fish sauce to make the guga passed off to tourists and obtuse gastronomes as being a delicacy.

11 September 2006

The Japanese ate Ferdinand

The Japanese ate Ferdinand. Not some guy, Ferdinand the horse, winner of the 1986 Kentucky Derby and the 1987 Breeders’ Cup Classic. I like to mention this whenever the controversial (some would say inexplicably controversial) practice of eating horse meat is being discussed. Or whenever someone says anything related to Japan:

“I’m going to Tokyo on business."

“The Japanese ate Ferdinand.”

“I bought a Sony flat screen.”

“The Japanese ate Ferdinand.”

“I love to eat sushi.”

“Not as much as the Japanese love to eat Ferdinand.”

In fact, I enjoying bringing it up on all sorts of occasions:

“I think we should see other people.”

“I think the Japanese ate Ferdinand.”

“Why haven’t you called me?”

“Why did the Japanese eat Ferdinand?”

“Are you drunk again?”

“I drink to forget the Japanese ate Ferdinand...or to remember...whatever, all I know is they ate him.”

07 September 2006

That temperate love of liberty

I notice (via Mangan) libertarian economist Don Boudreaux thinks the Janjaweed have the right to move en masse to your hometown.1 And not just the Janjaweed, but also the Tamil Tigers, the Lord’s Resistance Army, Hezbollah, the Interahamwe - and many more, as the saying goes.

Many, many, more, if Boudreaux had his way, because he believes everyone from everywhere has an inalienable right to move en masse to America - this in a world where more than 3 billion people live on less than $2 a day. I've described libertarianism as applied autism, I’m now beginning to realize what a terrible aspersion on autistics that was.

I’m weary of refuting libertarian immigration idiocy, thankfully Alexander Hamilton did so more than 200 years ago:
The safety of a republic depends essentially on the energy of a common national sentiment; on a uniformity of principles and habits; on the exemption of the citizens from foreign bias and prejudice; and on the love of country, which will almost invariably be found to be closely connected with birth, education, and family. The opinion advanced in [Jefferson’s] Notes on Virginia is undoubtedly correct, that foreigners will generally be apt to bring with them attachments to the persons they have left behind; to the country of their nativity, and to its particular customs and manners. They will also entertain opinions on government congenial with those under which they have lived; or if they should be led hither from a preference to ours, how extremely unlikely is it that they will bring with them that temperate love of liberty, so essential to real republicanism?…
In the recommendation to admit indiscriminately foreign emigrants of every description to the privileges of American citizens, on their first entrance into our country, there is an attempt to break down every pale which has been erected for the preservation of a national spirit and a national character; and to let in the most powerful means of perverting and corrupting both the one and the other.


1For some reason Boudreaux’s radical free market ethos doesn’t prevent him from suckling at the teat of government: he’s employed at a public university.

06 September 2006

Georgia vs. South Ossetia

With the media fixated on stingray mishaps and Norwegian UFO’s hardly anyone’s noticed Georgia and South Ossetia are on the brink of war.

I only recently became aware of this crisis, but I'm siding with South Ossetia, mainly because that country’s chief economic resource is a tunnel. Known as the Roki Tunnel, the tolls and customs duties levied on freight passing through it going from Russia and largely to Georgia generate over a third of the South Ossetian government budget.

Also the President of Georgia is a balneotherapist, and I’ve always preferred showers. Just the thought of crowds of flabby and diseased Eastern Europeans wallowing in steaming mineral baths sickens me.

03 September 2006

Hello Gojira!



People come here looking for the above picture of Gojira - a picture I've never posted before. Why is this so? An appealing explanation is that I've been experiencing visits by web surfers from the future.

Enjoy Gojira!


[image source]