Georgia vs. South Ossetia

With the media fixated on stingray mishaps and Norwegian UFO’s, hardly anyone’s noticed Georgia and South Ossetia are on the brink of war.

I only recently became aware of this crisis, but I'm siding with South Ossetia, mainly because that country’s chief economic resource is a tunnel. Known as the Roki Tunnel, the tolls and customs duties levied on freight passing through it from Russia to Georgia generate over a third of the South Ossetian government budget.

Also the President of Georgia is a balneotherapist, and I’ve always preferred showers. Just the thought of crowds of flabby and diseased Eastern Europeans wallowing in steaming mineral baths sickens me.

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