Dispatches from the Motherland

In Cameroon urine drinking is suddenly so popular Cameroonian health minister Urbain Olanguena Awono was forced to issue a statement urging quaffers to stop, warning those promoting the practice may be prosecuted. Said a piss drinker named Emile: "I used it to treat my haemorrhoids. Everyone uses it in secret. But you need to be brave."

Though rarely mentioned in the history books, Gandhi was an aficionado of the ‘yellow wine’, and in his younger days became known for badgering unwitting guests at parties with his odd notions, diaper clad, glass of pee-pee in hand. Soon Gandhi stopped getting invited to parties. Instead of changing his ways, he became angry, and channeled his resentment into politics. I think you know how that turned out.

If you thought Nigeria had more than enough unpleasant worms already you obviously don’t think like God, because a new ‘mystery worm’ is invading Nigeria’s Sokoto State.

The worms, named Ba Susa, which means ‘no scratching’, infest the leaves of trees and bushes, causing itching and irritation when they come in contact with the skin and it's scratched. As one student, a Miss Chioma Nweze said: "The moment the worms touch any part of your body, the place instantly gets swollen as you scratch it.”

At the moment there’s no treatment, other than not scratching, which for some reason is too much to ask, so many of the afflicted have resorted to drinking urine.

In Kenya a farmer named Boniface Ndura is raising the livestock of the future:
[T]he most baffling deformed animal is a soot black bull that has four horns, three eyes that blink simultaneously and a mouth that is so deformed that when looked at from certain angles it resembled three mouths in one.

However, the animal seems to have developed a way of grazing using one corner of the mouth. Moses Longitio, who takes care of the deformed animals, has christened the endowed bull ‘Less,’ although ‘More’ would have best suited it. But whether you want to see more or less at the conservancy, there is a range of deformity pick from.

For example you will find a tri-horned goat, a five-legged sheep, a three-legged goat and a sheep that walks like a hyena because its hind legs are shorter than the front ones.

Comments

  1. Ghandi DID NOT wear a diaper. It was a traditional Indian garment, the "choprabatti", well suited to the steamy Indian climate, and to that of Long Island as well, at least this summer. I am wearing one now, and am very comfortable, thank you (I do get some odd looks at the Mall). With respect to the urine drinking, Camaroonian wee-wee is among the tastiest. Don't knock it 'till you've tried it.

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  2. Fascinating comment, why did you post it anonymously? Calling a diaper by a funny name doesn't change the fact it's a diaper. And comfort is no excuse, that same logic could be used to justify wearing sweatpants.

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  3. That was quit a smackdown. I believe that one of us got up on the wrong side of the ashram this morning. I will meditate on the re-direction of your negative inner energy ("ki"). First, you must swear off your unhealthy obsession with Whitby.
    P.S. what is wrong with sweatpants? My wife and I are close to retirement age, and I look forward to our wearing matching jogging suits and white sneakers to Bob's Bigboy for the Seniors Specials.

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