27 January 2008

Insomnia notes

An attempt to enjoy some TV fare goes awry when a mildly entertaining show about Bigfoots on the ‘science’ channel is interrupted by a commercial featuring pitchman Billy Mays1, and nothing can be done because some fool has left the remote out of reach. As I endure Mays bellowing, I’m struck by the similarity of his oratorical style and that of Adolf Hitler. There were men who could have assassinated Hitler before he rose to power, but didn’t, because no one took him seriously until it was too late.2 Let’s hope this time history doesn’t repeat itself.

1Spokesman for OxiClean, Zorbeez, Mighty Putty, Handy Switch remote light switches, Sandsend Blob Repellant, Easy Off Bam!, Turbo Tiger vacuum cleaner, Iguana Diapers, Hercules Hook wall hangers, Samurai Shark knife sharpener, Lint-B-Gone lint brush, Vagin-O-Mite! personal freshener, Ding King automotive dent remover, El Melto frozen burrito de-icer, Steam Buddy wrinkle remover/creaser, and many more products modern man can't live without.

2 R.Z. Sheppard recounts: “In the fall of 1932, Friedrich Percyval Reck-Malleczewen, monarchist, amateur philosopher and member of Bavaria'-landed gentry, was dining with a friend at a Munich restaurant. Like many other Germans during those disorderly times, he carried a revolver to protect himself against street thugs. Seated alone at an adjacent table was a sullen, self-conscious political comer named Adolf Hitler. 'I could easily have shot him,' Fritz Reck wrote in his diary four years later. 'If I had had an inkling of the role this piece of filth was to play, and of the years of suffering he was to make us endure, I would have done it without a second thought. But I took him for a character out of a comic strip, and did not shoot.'

5 comments:

  1. A little Jimmie J.J. Walker reference for the people. Speaking ofKid Dyn-O-Mite, here's his take on Obama.

    ReplyDelete
  2. C'mon...Billy Mays rocks! Wouldn't it be far better if Billy Mays narrated the Bigfoot show and the Bigfoot narrator pitched OxyClean?

    ReplyDelete
  3. By "narrated" you mean shouted?

    ReplyDelete
  4. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete