19 January 2009

Wizards of opinion

I’ve been thinking up creative ways to implement the economic stimulus. Some Americans could immediately be employed to flush money down the toilet. This may require the waiving of environmental restrictions.

Another worthwhile project would be the creation of an American Pundit Hat industry. Pundit Hats will be large conical hats, similar to this fantastic Bronze Age specimen, but instead of gold they will be made out of recycled cans, and instead of being artistically decorated with astronomical symbols Pundit Hats will be inscribed with our highest truths (Diversity is Strength, The World is Flat, Yes We Can, We are the World, etc.) alongside images of our eminences (Bono, Gore, Oprah, Hugo Chavez, Obama, the ShamWow! guy, etc.).

All who opine on TV or in establishment newspapers and magazines will be required to purchase Pundit Hats and wear them whenever in public; those refusing will be banished from the pundit class. None will refuse, of course, and most will believe the hats make them look distinguished.

7 comments:

  1. Speaking of the flat world, have you read this?
    http://reason.com/blog/show/131140.html

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  2. That's funny. Funnier is the Reasonoids noticing someone who shares their views is an utter idiot.

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  3. Thomas Friedman has a special gift. He is reviled from pretty much every political direction. It's not just the anti-globalists on the left and right, all sorts of mainstream consensus types disdain him for some reason or another. Israel hawks hate him, Israel haters hate him, Iraq war supporters hate him, Iraq war critics hate him, Beltway libertarians hate him, real libertarians hate him... And yet still he has the best op-ed real estate in the world and has won three Pulitzers and he's on television all the time etc etc. He is one of the greatest mountebanks of all time.

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  4. I want one of those pundit hats. I would punch a hole in my ceiling and wear it every time I punditized.

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  5. Those hats are fantastic. Marget Carlson would look hilarious in one.

    Now what would you suggest for the nation's guru class? (Dr. Phil, Deepak Chopra, Billy Mays, etc.)

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  6. What do you have against the Sham-Wow! guy?

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  7. Garland: Lefties that hate him are delusional about who the liberals who matter are. (Note to lefties: it's people who think exactly like Freidman, not you and your protesting puppet troupe.)

    Sailer: If you wish to become a member of the official pundit class all you have to do is convince yourself everything you read in the New York Times is what's real, while everything you see with your own eyes is really taking place in a Narnia-esque fantasy land of your imagination. Good luck!

    J Wild: Slow, painful deaths.

    Statsquatch: Nothing. In fact, I'm head of the Sham-Wow! Guy for President in 2012! committee.

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