Brief Reviews of Movies I Haven't Seen, Summer 2010

Eat, Pray, Love

Watch, leave, vomit.

The Expendables

The Dependsables.

Dinner for Schmucks

The French film Le dîner de cons, adapted for American audiences (all the intelligence, subtlety, and wit was removed). Starring the painfully unfunny Steve Carell, widely considered one of the leading comedic actors of our time.

Lottery Ticket

On the eve of a holiday weekend a young negro (played rapper Bow Wow) learns he has a winning $370 million lottery ticket. For the next three days his neighbors and relatives in ‘da hood’ try to steal it from him while the audience yells things at the screen.

Lottery Ticket 2

Set six months after Lottery Ticket, a young negro (played by rapper Bow Wow) declares bankruptcy after having squanderd $370 million. The audience yells things at the screen, eventually his corpse is found in a dumpster.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

A hipster who looks like a homosexual fetus (Michael Cera) attempts to win the heart of a girl. Based on a comic book read by hipsters who look like homosexual fetuses.

Step Up 3D

A tight-knit group of street dancers team up with Moose and find themselves pitted against the world's best hip-hop dancers in a high-stakes showdown that will change their lives forever.” Essentially the story of my life. I give Step Up 3D four boogaloo shrimps out of a possible five.

Comments

  1. I guess I won't bother then.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Johnny B. Goode19/8/10 7:19 AM

    Just found your site thru Sailer. EXPENDABLES was complete garbage.

    "The French film Le dîner de cons, adapted for American audiences (all the intelligence, subtlety, and wit was removed). Starring the painfully unfunny Steve Carell, widely considered one of the leading comedic actors of our time. "

    Someone please explain why French comedies are so much better than American? Why are their romantic comedies things a man might actually sit through and enjoy?

    Thanks for telling us about the original, I'll netflix it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. They've managed to hang on to the ability, and a more sophisticated target audience.

    I've noticed in French movies a twenty-something store clerk will be depicted with bookshelves in her apartment. In American movies the only characters shown owning books are professors or criminal masterminds.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Johnny B. Goode19/8/10 11:45 AM

    "They've managed to hang on to the ability, and a more sophisticated target audience."

    Well yeah.

    My question is "how" - and "why"?

    ReplyDelete
  5. 'Le dîner de cons' was a funny film, despite the fact that the idiot character reminded me of Danny Devito.

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  6. Johnny: Frenchies are smart and, well, Frenchy. They believe in their culture. I can't remember the last time I saw a new French film. Le diner le cons came out in 1998.

    Fez: I thought about appending to the Carell item a list of actors whose presence in a movie automatically disqualifies it for me. Robin Williams, Ben Stiller, Vin Diesel...too many.

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  7. I'm trying to think of a pre-1980s era actor whose presence in a movie automatically disqualified it for me. Difficult to name anyone.
    Yet post-1980s era there are so, so many (but none of them are French)

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  8. That's an interesting observation.

    ReplyDelete

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