17 January 2011

Forthcoming Fiction

Excerpts from my soon to be published mystery novel, Dead Man’s Trombone:
I lit a Pall Mall with one hand and lazily steered the big Buick down the darkened streets with the other, because I‘m the type of guy who disregards fuel economy, Surgeon General’s warnings, and traffic safety. In the back seat was a black case. Inside the case was a dead man’s trombone.
“I enjoyed your set of post-bop improvisations,” I said, as I lit a Pall Mall.
“Cool, man. A lot of cats don’t get what I’m trying to do with harmonic structures. I‘m not sure what you want from me, though.”
“There’s something I would like you to take a look at.”
I flipped open the case and spun it around. The jazzbo’s eyes widened.
“Damn! Is that a dead man’s trombone?”
I opened the door, and found her lying on the couch, the dead man’s trombone on top of her, nestled in the cleavage of her ample bosom. I lit a Pall Mall. For once, the unflappable detective was thoroughly flapped.
I lit a Pall Mall, then gave him a cold stare. “You’re going to tell me where Rickey Mivers is,” I said.
“If I don’t?”
I stared colder.
“See this?” I pressed the dead man’s trombone up against his neck.
“What’s that, a slidey horn?”
“It’s a dead man’s trombone, idiot. Tell me where Rickey Mivers is, or you’ll be playing tunes on it, Bulgarian style. Get it?”
“Actually, no.”

What others are saying about Dead Man’s Trombone:

“The ending will haunt you, the way that goat haunts me.” - Prof. Glen Morangie

“Transcends the hardboiled genre.“ - Joanne Pearson, Whitby Literary Review

“I couldn’t put it down, what with all the slam bang action, twists and turns, detecting and whatnot.“ - Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov

10 comments:

  1. from the whitby gazette today:


    "Police ask public to be vigilant


    Published on Mon Jan 17 11:00:22 GMT 2011

    Police are asking members of the public to be vigilant and report any suspicious behaviour after an incident in Sleights.

    A man on Birch Avenue was woken in the early hours of Friday morning by noises outside.

    He saw men with a white van trying to steal manhole covers.

    Insp Mark Grange from Whitby Police said metal items like manhole covers and gates have a high scrap value and are likely to be stolen."

    Or they could be making it easier for some abomination to crawl to the surface.

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  2. I was wondering if your main character was based on real-life detective and part-time bandleader Eddie Sousa.
    Then I remembered that Sousa smoked Old Golds before switching to Vantage when old age forced him to limit his case load and performance schedule.

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  3. There are more cigarette brands than seem necessary.

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  4. Less on the trombone, more on the bosom.

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  5. Consider replacing "trombone" with "nigger." It's a surefire path to literary immortality.

    Also consider including as many references to "jazzbos" as possible.

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  6. You will want to read my next novel, The Flugelhorn Dilemma, about a jilted jazzbo who gets mixed up with an international spy ring.

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  7. Thank you for standing up against the Lamestream Media's anti-jazzbo bias.

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  8. You ain't got nothin' on Richard Brautigan.

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  9. I opened the door, and found her levitra lying on the couch, the dead man’s trombone on top of her, nestled in the cleavage of her ample bosom. I lit a Pall Mall. For once, the unflappable detective was thoroughly flapped.

    ReplyDelete