30 November 2011

Soggy Situation in Whitby, etc.



The Whitby Gazette reports Whitby is “under water” after a “freakish set of circumstances”. Does Whitby ever have any other kind?

The Whitby Gazette is not reporting a number of Whitbians were nearly drowned by something in the floodwater that grabbed their ankles and tried to pull them under, but my sources tell me it’s happening.

On this day in 1974 a Frenchman, whom we will call Jacques M. because he wishes to remain anonymous, was driving at night when he “suddenly saw a man at least eight feet tall in the light of his car's headlights, standing by the roadside. This being was milky white in color, as if wearing a tight white coverall, and his round head was without hair or facial features.” 

On this day in 1979, a couple in Puerto Rico saw the same figure in white coveralls standing on a “luminous“ flying platform, only now he was also wearing a “large helmet with a dark visor that completely covered his face”, and had shrunk to a height of four feet.

On this day in 1982, a Brazilian named Joao Valeiro da Silva was awakened by “two strange little men and a woman, each about three feet tall”. The trio were wearing “brilliant blue coveralls” made out of a “a rubber material”. Then a naked girl showed up. Joao doesn’t remember what happened next, but complained afterwards his genitals “were burning”. We‘ve all been there.

The elusive, self-proclaimed Sultan of Sulu Datu Mohd Akjan Datu Ali Muhammad, who disappeared in May, remains at large. Sabah Commissioner of Police Datuk Hamzah Taib is confident “He is not in Sabah or in Kuala Lumpur (at the moment).” Confusingly, the self-proclaimed Sultan’s self-proclaimed Prime Minister Datu Albi insists the self-proclaimed Sultan has not yet ascended to the throne, but has accepted an offer to do so. From whom? Himself?

6 comments:

  1. I noted this from the Whitby article: "Day trippers had to wade back to their vehicles..."

    Day Trippers!? Who would visit such a cursed place?

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  2. Whitby is outwardly picturesque, in order to lure in unsuspecting victims. Also, Goths.

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  3. Whatever happened to VD clinics?

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  4. "Goth bungie jumping over the harbour" from the Whitby Goths link deserves to be a study in oils by an R.A.

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  5. Ha ha. Bungie jumping doesn't seem like a gothy thing to do.

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  6. It appears that "Jacques M." saw a vision of Mr. Clean.
    I envy him.

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