Predictable

The Northern Echo reports:   
A Labour politician has stunned his town council colleagues by claiming his “real mother” is a 9ft green alien with eight fingers. 
Councillor Simon Parkes, who was elected to represent Stakesby ward on Whitby Town Council last month, said although he has had hundreds of close encounters with extra-terrestrials, it will not interfere with his mission to help residents at the seaside resort.
Speaking on YouTube, Coun Parkes said he first saw an alien at the age of eight months, when “a traditional kite-shaped face”, with huge eyes, tiny nostrils and a thin mouth appeared over his cot. 
He said: “Two green stick things came in. I was aware of some movement over my head. I thought, ‘they’re not mummy’s hands, mummy’s hands are pink’.”
He added: “I was looking straight into its face. It enters my mind through my eyes and it sends a message down my optic nerve into my brain. 
“It says ‘I am your real mother, I am your more important mother’.” 
 …Parkes said his extraterrestrial beliefs “did not come up on the doorstep” while he was campaigning recently. 
He said: “For many people who don’t experience it, it’s very hard to accept. We are taught to only see and believe what we can touch, but it’s acceptable to believe in religion. 
“It’s a personal matter and it doesn’t affect my work. I’m more interested in fixing someone’s leaking roof or potholes. People don’t want me to talk about aliens. 
“I get more common sense out of the aliens than out of Scarborough Town Hall. The aliens are far more aware of stuff. People in the Town Hall seem not to be aware of the needs of Whitby.”


Comments

  1. Scoop6/4/12 8:53 PM

    Do you have any comments or insight on the thrilling developments in Azawad? I have no doubt that the editorial staff of A.D.C. take a strong line in defense of the legitimate national aspirations of the Berber people, and against nefarious American-Malian imperialism.

    Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TGGP8/4/12 6:07 PM

      This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. TGGP8/4/12 6:09 PM

      Amusingly, I read in an article that the Tuareg say they are mistreated in Mali due to their light-skin, which is sort of the opposite of what's happening to their co-ethnics in Libya right now. Of course, when the "light-skinned Arabs" are supposed to be expressing prejudice against "dark-skinned" tribes in Sudan it's hard for an American to wrap their head around. Don't they know if you've got one drop that means you check "black" on the census form?

      I thought my comment had been double-posted, hence the deleted one below.

      Delete
    3. C. Van Carter9/4/12 10:49 AM

      Some believe the Tuareg are descendants of the Garamantes who hunted troglodytes ("the swiftest of foot of all men"- Herodotus) with chariots.

      Delete
    4. C. Van Carter9/4/12 10:54 AM

      I'm taking the side of the Taureg because our establishment who supports rebellions everywhere else is against them.

      Delete
    5. american fez18/4/12 1:17 PM

      I'm against the Taureg because their name sounds too much like Toe Rag - "Truth does oft' itself reveal in homonym"

      Delete

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