Across Difficult Country

Our friend the club-wielding chimp has not been captured, or even seen again. Some people now think the chimp may have been carrying an ordinary stick, not a club. (Some people think it wasn’t a chimp at all, but a Bigfoot . It’s best to avoid these people.) As this mystery may never be solved, let us turn our gaze from the antics of chimpanzees, and instead ponder the antics of a baboon. His name was Jack, and in the late 1800’s he was employed as a signalman for the Cape Government Railways : A locomotive driver were given secret instructions and all present waited to see if Jack will past this strenuous test. Each time that the driver blasted a different signal Jack would change the correct signal and points without fail. Jack even looked around in the direction of the oncoming train to make sure that the correct lever and signal were changed. Jack has passed his test with flying colours and were duly employed by the authorities and from that day became known as Jack the Signa...

While the mere possibility of creating a human-chimp hybrid is giving Western scientists a “frisson of enjoyment” Chinese scientists have gone ahead with the mass production of human-bird hybrids . A squadron of Chinese bird-men assembles for duty .

Who was it who said the definition of serendipity is shooting an armadillo and having the bullet ricochet and hit your mother-in-law? Because that happened in Georgia . It’s been almost a year and the grills are still missing . #BringBackOurGrills. A half-human, half-chimp humanzee was created in a Nigerian laboratory, reports Humphrey Nakonde . The creature talks and, sadly, has already contracted AIDS. There are so many wonderful things being invented in Siberia right now , from the practical (a car that runs on pine cones, moose turds and old socks) to the visionary (a kindergarten shaped like a giant cheese that will inspire children to be cheesemakers when they grow up (there may be something to this - I went to a kindergarten shaped like a giant blog)).

"Poker is a game of people. It's not the hand I hold, it's the people that I play with." - Amarillo Slim A chimpanzee, named Mikey, considered by some to be the worlds best non-human poker player that isn't a machine, will play in the 2006 World Series of Poker main event . Mikey's trainers claim he recognizes the shapes and colors of suits, and favors an agressive playing style, frequently going 'all-in'. Extra security is being provided to Mikey in the event he wins any money, in case the roaming chimp with the club shows up and tries to beat and rob him.

A chimpanzee has been spotted roaming the backyards of Thousand Oaks, California. Attempts to capture the animal have been unsuccessful, but the authorities are reassuring residents they have nothing to fear, even though an eyewitness reports the chimp has armed itself with a club .

As you probably know, the Left and its allies in the Mainstream Media has launched a hate campaign of lies combined with bogus legal charges in order to destroy Majority Leader Tom DeLay. I have become so sickened by these attacks I decided to do something about it: at Café Press I created this thong panty emblazoned with the (or should I say ‘our’?) rallying cry: Free DeLay ! Your crotch region is a most personal area, and the personal area is political, get the word out. Money from the purchase of the thong panty will go to me, in order that I can continue supporting Congressman DeLay via blog posting and creating products such as the Free DeLay! thong panty . Doing the right thing can be sexy, order a few pairs for yourself or your baby boo today. Free DeLay ! Bonus : Anti-smoking zealots, not content with persecuting human smokers, now wish to force their neo-Puritanism on members of the animal kingdom: A Bloemfontein zoo is trying to persuade its star chimpanzee to kick a bad ...