27 December 2004

to Ardis Park, where you will ramble one day, no doubt

From the archives of The Anomalist:
"In 1856 Dr. Jobard of Paris declared to a startled press: "I hold a discovery which frightens me. There are two kinds of electricity; one, brute and blind is produced by the contact of metals and acids; the other is intelligent and clairvoyant. The brute (one) ...has followed Jacobii, Bonelli, and Moncal, while the intellectual one was following Bois-Robert, Thilorier, and Chevalier Duplanty. The electrical ball or globular electricity (ball lightning?) contains a thought which disobeys Newton (gravity?) and Mariotte (?) to follow its own freaks.... we have in the annals of the academy thousands of proofs of the intelligence of the electric bolt...but I remark that I am permitting myself to become indiscreet. A little more and I would have disclosed to you the key which is about to discover to us the universal spirit."
This odd pronouncement on the true nature of electricity by the mysterious Dr. Jobard immediately reminded me of Vladimir Nabokov's story "Time and Ebb", which is set in the year 2024:
"Elementary allobiotic phenomena led their so-called spiritualists to the silliest forms of transcendental surmise and made so-called common sense shrug its broad shoulders in equally silly ignorance. Our denominations of time would have seemed to them "telephone" numbers. They played with electricity in various ways without having the slightest notion of what it really was-- and no wonder the chance revelation of its true nature came as a most hideous surprise (I was a man by that time and can well remember old Professor Andrews sobbing his heart out on the campus in the midst of a dumbfounded crowd)."
Similar is the alternate world in Nabokov’s novel Ada, in which, for reasons only hinted at, there has been something related to electricity called the 'L' disaster, and electricity (even the word itself) is banned:
"The unmentionable magnetic power denounced by evil lawmakers in this our shabby country—oh, everywhere - Part 1, Ch.3"

"I want to ask you," she said quite distinctly, but also quite beside herself because his ramping palm had now worked its way through at the armpit, and his thumb on a nipplet made her palate tingle: ringing for the maid in Georgian novels—inconceivable without the presence of elettricità—I protest. You cannot. It is banned even in Lithuanian and Latin. Ada's note.) - Part 1, Ch.19"
There is non-electric technology:
"..the extremely elaborate and still very expensive hydrodynamic telephones and miserable gadgets that were to replace those that had gone k chertyam sobach'im (Russian "to the devil") with the banning of an unmentionable "lammer." - Part 1, Ch.13 ["lammer: amber (Fr: l'ambre), allusion to electricity]"
Is it possible Nabokov was aware Dr. Jobard’s experiment? This world’s most obsessive Nabokovian (which is saying something) Brian Boyd has annotated all mentions of electricity (and the related ‘L’disaster (and everything else)) in Ada, but as far as I can tell he is unaware of Jobard. While I have been unable to determine even Jobard’s first name, that same quote is cited by the 19th century occultist and originator of a considerable amount of the New Age nonsense that is around today Madame Blavatsky (and it is most likely from Blavatsky where the author of the Anomalist essay originally read it). Blatvasky, as you may recall, was admired by Yeats (and others). But is there a connection between Blavatsky and Nabokov? In Nabokov's Otherworld (a book I have never read), Vladimir E. Alexandrov argues that Nabokov was not only aware of but profoundly inspired by (oh dear) the nonsense of Blavatsky and other similar mystics:
"Alexandrov's is clearly a revolutionary study, an important landmark which points students of Nabokov toward a group of late-nineteenth-and early-twentieth-century mystics and visionaries such as Mme. Blavatsky, P.D. Oustinov, Nikolai Evrainov, and Nikolai Gumilev."
That quote is from an exchange between Boyd and Robert M. Adams. In the same exchange Adams says:
"But both my original point of view, and Professor Boyd's, seem likely to undergo major modification as a result of a new, important study entitled Nabokov's Otherworld by Vladimir E. Alexandrov (Princeton University Press, 1991). This book, which did not appear in time for Boyd to take notice of it in his biography or bibliographies, proposes a radical revaluation of Nabokov's thought."
I will leave the debate on the degree and nature of Blavatsky’s influence on V.N. to the experts. But I am now convinced that the Jobard quote was the source for the electricity motif in Ada and "Time and Ebb". I wonder if this connection has been made by Alexandrov? If not, then I believe I am the first to do so.

26 December 2004

In Memoriam: Reggie White

Sad news, former NFL great Reggie White has died. You may recall the late Rev. White was vilified for daring to broach the subject of human biodiversity in public. White observed:


Why did God create us differently? Why did God make me black and you white? Why did God make the next guy Korean and the next guy Asian and the other guy Hispanic? Why did God create the Indians?

Well, it's interesting to me to know why now. When you look at the black race, black people are very gifted in what we call worship and celebration. A lot of us like to dance, and if you go to black churches, you see people jumping up and down, because they really get into it.

White people were blessed with the gift of structure and organization. You guys do a good job of building businesses and things of that nature and you know how to tap into money pretty much better than a lot of people do around the world.

Hispanics are gifted in family structure. You can see a Hispanic person and they can put 20 or 30 people in one home. They were gifted in the family structure.

When you look at the Asians, the Asian is very gifted in creation, creativity and inventions. If you go to Japan or any Asian country, they can turn a television into a watch. They're very creative. And you look at the Indians, they have been very gifted in the spirituality.

When you put all of that together, guess what it makes. It forms a complete image of God. God made us different because he was trying to create himself. He was trying to form himself, and then we got kind of knuckleheaded and kind of pushed everything aside.
While some may differ that this reality is not the result of God, but evolution, I fail to see what was objectionable or untrue about his remarks. His detractors were in no position to question the authenticity of the observations of a black minister on what goes on in black churches. The Japanese did turn the televsion into a watch. The only thing I would add is that Hispanics are not just gifted at fitting "20 or 30 people in one home", they apply the same skill to also be the world's greatest car poolers.

One fascinating part of White's speech that went unoticed at the time was his analysis of the reason American slavery was of blacks:

When I look at the history of America, and particularly the history of slavery, one of the main reasons that Africans were enslaved was because of economics and skin color...During the time that the New World was to be built, the Europeans had to make a decision whether they were going to enslave their own. They couldn't enslave their own because their own could assimilate. They couldn't enslave the Indians because the Indians knew the territory, and the Indians knew how to sneak up on people. But the only people they could enslave was the Africans because of their skin color. We couldn't assimilate, and because of our skin color if we escaped, we were sent back to our plantations pretty much.
I first heard this very same and quite logical explanation for the racial basis of American slavery from a professor of economic history (the non-Nobel prize holding co-author of this esteemed book). The Rev. White was either better read than his detractors, or naturally more insightful, or both.

Operation Eskimo

A new, innovative idea for caring for our nations old people is to book them permanent passage on cruise ships, as it would be cheaper than housing them in ‘assisted living facilities’ (what used to be called ‘old folk’s homes’ before the politically correct decided the term ‘old folk’s’ was an offensive slight, harmful to old folk’s self esteem (does anyone really think the geezers are unaware of their own decrepitude?)). Once all the oldies have been lured onto ships, the second half of the plan consists of sailing the ships out to middle of the ocean and sinking them. Or at least I hope that’s what the second half of the plan is, no one (understandably) is saying.

25 December 2004

Grappling with Garance

The humorless herd of asses at The American Prospect are upset that Steve Sailer linked to an article that accuses one of their ‘journalists’, the female impersonator Mr. Garance Franke-Ruta, of racism, and have gone so far as to threaten to sue for libel anyone who reproduces the allegations in the article. Normally I try to ignore mediocre journals of modern leftist thought such as TAP (so, apparently do modern leftists – TAP’s circulation is even lower than Mother Jones). As the person who rediscovered the controversial article in question, this threat of legal action is therefore in part directed at me (must everything these days be decided via lawsuit? I am willing to wrestle Mr. Franke-Ruta to settle this dispute. He can even wear his dress if he wants) so I feel compelled to respond. Not out of any fear of legal action (what a joke), but because for some reason I can't resist mocking these blockheads.

When I (and others) quoted accusations of racism made against Mr. Franke-Ruta and his lilly-white cohorts at TAP it was obviously (at least to normal people) not done to endorse the accusations, it was done to highlight the brainless hypocrisy of a writer who casually makes unsubstantiated and malicious accusations of racism against others, despite himself being the victim of unsubstantiated and malicious accusations of racism. It is also brainless hypocrisy for the editors of a publication that publishes false accusations of racism to threaten libel suits when one of its writers is falsely accused of racism. The threatening of those that have exposed TAP in this regard is beyond brainless hypocrisy. What is perhaps most ridiculous is that TAP is a publication that wishes to be taken seriously on complex subjects such as social Security reform and global foreign policy, yet its editors are too stupid to grasp the irony of their arguments in this matter.

23 December 2004

Modern Age, Winter, 1958-1959

"Liberalism is the refuge favored by intellectual cowardice, because the essence of the liberal's position is that he has no position. It may be true, with due qualifications, that in certain transitional phases, where the outline of issues is none too clear, the liberal or uncommitted attitude has its expediency. But as something to construct with, never! It is that state of mind before we have made up our mind. The explanation of why liberalism has been erected into a kind of philosophy in our time is perhaps to be sought in the fact that our world is disintegrating rapidly. It is thereby creating the impression that nothing is permanent but change, and that the very concept of truth is a stumbling block to adaptation as the disintegration goes on." - Richard M. Weaver, Up From Liberalism

22 December 2004

Holiday Cheer

"Life is a terrible thing, made tolerable chiefly by smoking" - Robert Musil

They can find a micro-crab but not the Batutut

I've been contemplating travel to Borneo. Recently, a “team of international scientists” went to Borneo where they found enormous “monster” cockroaches living in caves. (The scientists do not say what these monster cockroaches do all day in the caves, I suspect they practice law.) The expedition also found (hold on to your hats) “at least two new species of begonias”. I was under the impression we had more than enough kinds of begonias already, but then I’m not a scientist or an antholagniac.

19 December 2004

I find him essential

Undoubtedly inspired by the 'nannygate' scandal of Dept. of Homeland Security nominee Bernard Kerik, I’ve learned nasty accusations are being whispered regarding my tiny Latin American valet Senor Moreno (known as 'Manos de la Piedra' in his younger days as a Bolivian jockey). For the record, he is not illegal - I won him fair and square in a poker game.

Rediscoveries

Scientists have now ‘discovered’ a correlation between the decline in smoking and the increase in obesity. What took them so long? They were probably too busy keeping jellyfish up all night. This correlation occurred to me in a flash of drunken insight years ago, and I have publicized it on numerous occasions since then, usually when a fatty at a bar complains of my second hand smoke. I have no hope the dishonest poseurs that comprise the modern Science Establishment will give me the credit I am due, but what a comical embarrassment for the professional scientists to be nearly half a decade behind a creative amateur.

18 December 2004

World's most deadliest killers

Unfortunately, the weather in Seattle today is sunny and warm, with just a few tiny brush-strokes of cloud on one small corner of the vast blue canvas of sky. I say unfortunately because, as you may recall, the reason I returned to Seattle for the holidays was that Seattle’s usual grey, drizzly weather is soothing when I have a hangover. Oh well, boredom is also soothing when I have a hangover, and Seattle can still be counted on to provide plenty of that.

My headache is interrupted by the arrival of a telegram from my good friend the renowned thinker Professor Glen Morangie, alerting me to a recent ‘scientific breakthrough’ in Australia. Use of the term scientific breakthrough leads me to expect something momentous, such as the discovery of a new kind of gravity or the invention of a machine which can ensure that the weather is grey and drizzly when I have a hangover. Instead I learn the breakthrough is:
A team of north Queensland experts found one of the world's most deadliest [sic] killers, the box jellyfish, goes to sleep about 3pm and spends its afternoons and evenings napping on the ocean floor.
"I don't think anyone thought that jellyfish slept," James Cook University jellyfish expert Jamie Seymour said today.
"But the thing that was really mind-blowing is you can shine a light in their eyes when they're asleep, and you can wake them. And when you stomp on the ground you can wake them up as well."

I’ve also heard if you dip the poor sleeping jellyfish’s tentacles in a bowl of warm water he will wet the bed. It’s a good thing jellyfish have no homes, because if they did ‘scientists’ like Jamie Seymour would be placing lighted bags of dog doo-doo on their front steps, ringing the bell and running away. What Jamie Seymour is up to isn’t science, it’s hooliganism (Seymour’s methods are not unusual for a modern ‘scientist’, recall the similar antics of one Professor Lloyd Peck). Seymour’s research is worse than frivolous, it’s dangerous: by depriving the jellyfish of sleep and agitating them innocent persons are being put at greater risk of attack from these "most deadliest [sic]" of creatures (being awakened unexpectedly makes me irritable, I’m sure jellyfish are no different).

So what is going on? The decline of modern universities is no secret. As David Stove observed (of his own university, but it’s an observation applicable to virtually any university): "THE FACULTY OF Arts at the University of Sydney is a disaster-area, and not of the merely passive kind, like a bombed building, or an area that has been flooded. It is the active kind, like a badly-leaking nuclear reactor, or an outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease in cattle." It is impossible not to agree with this diagnosis. Stove continued: "Just as a few spots are often improbably spared even in the worst disaster-areas, there are still a few departments in our Faculty of Arts which are passable-to-good. And the disaster I am speaking of has not overtaken the Faculty of Science, or any of the science-based faculties, such as Engineering or Agriculture." Sadly, Stove spoke too soon. The bizarre habits of the ‘scientists’ described above and the pathetic quality of their research ‘breakthroughs’ are all too typical, and indicate that the sciences have now collapsed in the same manner as all the other academic disciplines. We are entering a new Dark Age.

16 December 2004

Greatest Fool Theory

For once, some good news:
"Democracy is the future," Mr. Qaddafi, 32, said at his Moroccan-style villa outside Tripoli, where he keeps a white tiger, Freddo, among other exotic pets. "We have to be ahead of the world in our region, the Middle East, and not to be lagging behind, because the whole world is heading toward democracy." - Seif el-Islam el-Qaddafi, son of Libyan leader Col. M. Qaddafi.
It's an embarrassing development for democratists, and a harbinger the horrible democracy fad (the polyester leisure suit of political arrangements) has peaked when even the morons in Libya are advocating it.

I do not expect to witness any Western democracy switch to monarchy during my lifetime, but I do have hope that one day one of the many children I have fathered in various places about the globe in the course of my travels will.

I receive a letter

I receive a letter from my good friend, Professor Glen Morangie, one of the great thinkers of our age (and a sadly unappreciated one). He is alarmed by news reports that the deadliest hurricanes' names are to be retired. He thinks this will only encourage hurricanes to be as destructive as possible, in order to get their names honored in this fashion. I forward Professor Morangie's letter to the proper authorities.

Arrival: Seattle again

I am once again in unhappy Seattle (even Seattle’s homosexualists seem depressed these days, despite being promised a monorail). For all of her shortcomings, Seattle’s grey, drizzly weather makes it an ideal city to have a hangover in, and therefore a perfect place for me to be for the holidays. I will try to wring whatever small enjoyment out of Seattle I can before her miserable passive aggressive citizens destroy the city completely with dimwitted and obscenely expensive (in the billions) transportation schemes, which include the aforementioned ‘manorail’, light rail, and now possibly an underground tunnel for cars to drive in. Who will pay for all this? Those with any money and good sense will be leaving Seattle as soon as these projects commence being built, as the construction process will make an already depressing city unlivable.

Much talk in Seattle centers around the controversial ballot recount in the Gov.s race. Accusations about election fraud have been made. It would not surprise me if candidate Gregoire was involved in some sort of skullduggery, as her claim to fame is extorting enormous sums of money from tobacco companies, producers of an entirely legal product. She deserves to be not in the Governors mansion, but in jail.

What those on both sides shrieking about voting irregularities fail to understand is that the problem is not with how votes are cast or counted, but with democracy itself. How I miss lovely Lichtenstein, and her kind and pleasant people, happy because they are ruled by an honest king who has never blackmailed anyone.

14 December 2004

Arrival: Tokyo

Hello Tokyo! I first stumbled across Japan on a trip to Nippon, and was so impressed I forgot all about my original destination. The futuristic cityscape of Tokyo is like no place on earth. If Godzilla were alive today he would hardly recognize his old stomping grounds. I have terrible jet-lag. Crime in Tokyo is so low I can go anywhere with no worries someone is going to steal either of my two suitcases (one filled with bottles of beer, the other filled with a selection of liquor - the price of drinks is a bit excessive here). Tokyo pays young people to dress up as cartoon characters and interact with tourists, like Disneyland. Only it's better, because in Tokyo one can smoke cigarettes almost anywhere.

But I am not in Tokyo to have a good time, I am here for sex. Specifically, I have come to attend a conference of Great Minds who have gathered to solve the crisis of Japan’s declining birthrate ('shoshika!' to those in the know). I was initially baffled by what little interest the attractive and hygienic Japanese have in reproducing themselves, until I made an astonishing discovery. Observe the lessons in this defective Japanese sex how-to manual for teens - here and here. Now imagine trying to apply them. Not only would an attempt to use such ridiculous methods end in failure (and given what famously diligent and hardworking students the Japanese are, I have no doubt they have absorbed the misinformation completely, and apply it with unquestioning diligence), the resulting confusion and embarrassment certainly causes depression and general loss of interest in mating.

The solution is to re-train the younger Japanese before it is too late. After presenting my findings at the conference, I will personally conduct a series of sex re-education seminars for teenaged girls, to take place in my hotel room. Interested applicants can contact me via the front desk at the Tokyo Hilton.

Over the Pacific

En route to Japan on a long flight across the Pacific, my thoughts turn to England. It is no secret England has suffered a widespread decline in manners. Even British ghosts have become boors: one of the UK’s leading newspapers reports on a spectral presence dubbed the ‘Phantom Bumpincher’ for the lewd manner of his hauntings. This is sad, only a few generations ago even the rudest English ghosts never did anything worse than a little moaning and chain clanking . It’s not just England haunted by a Phantom Bumpincher, but my plane as well, or so I tell the cute stewardess who is now glaring at me and refusing to serve me any more drinks.

You don't say

"Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal." - Albert Camus

12 December 2004

Arrival: Guatemala City

I am finally out of the madness inducing continent of Antarctica, and I am never going back, even when all the ice there melts (something supposed to happen any day now).

I am at present in Guatemala City, Guatemala, to attend the unveiling of plans for the new Maya University, or Mayab' Nimatijob'al in the Quiche language, an institution of higher learning to be based on "the culture of Mayans". Most are unfamiliar with the culture of the Mayans, which is unfortunate, as it had many exciting qualities:

Human sacrifice was perpetrated on prisoners, slaves, and particularly children, with orphans and illegitimate children specially purchased for the occasion...Priests were assisted in human sacrifices by four older men who were known as chacs, in honour of the Rain God, Chac. These men would hold the arms and legs of a sacrificial victim while the chest was opened up by another individual called a nacom.

For fun on Mayan holidays:

A king used an obsidian knife or a stingray spine to cut his penis, allowing the blood to fall onto paper held in a bowl. Kings' wives also took part in this ritual by pulling a rope with thorns attached through their tongues.

Which was rather sporting of them if you ask me. Try and convince your horrible democratically elected local congressman (who in theory is a servant of the people) to entertain you in such a manner and see where it gets you.

I think with proper marketing Maya U. could attract undergraduates grown bored with the mundane debauches of American universities (it's going to need a fight song, what rhymes with Mayab' Nimatijob'al?). Given the choice between four years of fraternity keg parties and four years of that business with the stingray etc. I'm confident that many sullen, heavily pierced, black clad, death-metal/goth type of teens would opt for the latter. And unlike American colleges which fail to teach much of anything useful, students at Maya U. will learn how to build condominiums just like the Mayans did: out of large rocks.

The elaborate plans for the new university were presented in part by Nobel Prize winner Rigoberta Menchu, so it is possible the whole thing is a hoax.

11 December 2004

Antarctica: not so thrilling region of thick-ribbed ice

Fretful scientist (aren't they all these days?) Professor Lloyd Peck is claiming the Antarctic (where I am at present enduring one of the worst vacations of my life), because it is thawing, is on "the edge of disaster". How can he tell? Only a scientist could argue that not being frozen in a block of ice is a "disaster". He is upset that "this trip I saw grass growing in areas that I have not seen grass before." Someone should ask Professor Peck if he has a lawn in front of his house or an ice rink. Professor Peck worries that a thaw will harm the local wildlife. I can assure him that the Yeti's that once roamed these frozen wastes must already be extinct as I haven't seen a single one.

Oddly, after claiming concern for the local wildlife, the egotistical Professor Lloyd Peck confesses "We take clams out of the sediment and let them bury themselves again. We take limpets off the seashore, turn them over and let them turn back again." Why he torments the poor creatures like this he does not explain.

Tekeli-li

Antarctica is sorely lacking in nightlife. It is also sorely lacking in night, as the sun does not set in Antarctica this time of year. Perpetual day has destroyed my already tenuous ability to sleep, and I find myself staring for hours at the monotonous expanse of empty, white landscape, which I paint a picture of, since there is nothing else to do. My guidebook is out of date. I have not met a single Eskimo or Yeti, as I was promised, and I am beginning to suspect that my travel agent is less than reputable.

Another Cloud

Garanth Franke-Ruta has launched a follow-up to his smear campaign against the always insightful Steve Sailer. I detected the strains of envy in Mr. Franke-Ruta’s original attack, his latest confirms my observation, as he complains:

...Sailer...is so able to position himself as a social scientist that even occasional liberals cite his statistics and a major conservative opinion writer touts his work before an audience of more than a million readers.

As opposed to Mr. Franke-Ruta, who despite dressing as a woman and parading about receives little notice. If Franke-Ruta continues to be ignored (as he undoubtedly will be) I worry that he will begin resorting to ever more desperate stunts to get attention. I urge those close to him to either get him psychiatric help now or else get him a job with the circus.

10 December 2004

Airport Insecurity

There has been considerable outcry about the unpleasant new airport security ‘pat down’ searches (‘pat down’ is a bureaucratic euphemism for groping). Recently I endured a screening that went on for an inordinate amount of time, so long that I became suspicious that there wasn’t a hidden homosexualist agenda behind it. The moustached airport security worker fondling me certainly seemed to be enjoying the process an awful lot. I complained to a security supervisor, and he assured me that the security worker who had fondled me was actually a woman. Well there you go. If we all must suffer these invasive and politically correct ‘safety’ measures, it seems the least they could do is make it more pleasant by hiring attractive personnel (if Hooters can do it, why can't the TSA?).

But making things more pleasant is not an interest of our horrible elected leaders in these United States. They, in fact, wish to make us more miserable. This is why our government has gone to such great lengths to persecute smokers, and now I see they have set their sights on one of the 21st century’s most exciting new pastimes: freestyle erotic camera phone photography. The soon to be enacted law:

would make it a crime to videotape or photograph the naked or underwear-covered private parts of a person without consent when the person has a reasonable expectation of privacy.

In other words, the law will prohibit the taking of any picture that is interesting or fun. It should surprise no one that the inspiration for this bit of totalitarianism comes from Saudi Arabia.

In other sad news, the crew of our expensive and pointless Space Station is slowly starving to death. No one forced them to live in outer space, so it really is their own fault, but I still feel sorry for them, as even more so than those here on Earth they are victims of our horrible and ineffective government. Accordingly, I have sent to NASA a plan to sustain the Spaceketeers until a proper rescue can be effected. My plan is to launch daily a small rocket with a hollowed out nose cone, inside of which will be a variety of delicious deli sandwiches and some large colas. Except on Fridays, when Chinese food will be substituted.

09 December 2004

Elsewhere

"...To the bartender here I don’t exist outside this bar: he knows my drink, but I have not ceded enough information of my real (or should I should say ‘other’?) life for him to form even a partial image of my actual existence. To him I materialize, consume, and dematerialize..."

From a recent grotesquerie at Luxurious Misery, a journal of conspicuous consumption and despair.

Probity was once an esteemed quality. Today probity has become so unusual that the word itself is becoming obscure. Irreverent Probity is attempting a restoration (and discussing Kierkegaard).

Departure: Vaduz - flying at night

Flying late at night clears the clouded mind. While the rest of the mostly empty plane is sleeping, I reflect upon terrible acts I have committed during the course of my life. For a time when I was younger, I would go out on the town with the sole purpose of luring young women back to my lodgings in order to seduce them. At some point before or after engaging in ecstatic wrestlings I would charm or coerce them into shaving their pubises. (At this point I’m sure many of my younger readers are asking, confusedly, “Why weren’t their pubises shaved already?” being unaware that particular grooming habit has only recently become ubiquitous (my personal investigations lead me to believe that it only becomes common starting among women born after 1978)). I collected and saved the shaved hairs over a period of months, and after amassing a substantial amount had it woven into a wig which I then donated to a charitable organization that provides free toupees to low-income bald men.

I regret this immensely (theologians I have consulted, while agreeing that what was done was morally abominable, have had a hard time precisely categorizing the transgression) and over the years have attempted to atone in various ways. After considerable self examination, I continue to be unable to explain why I did it, but I was drinking excessively at the time.

Arrival: Vaduz

I find myself in Vaduz, the largest city of Liechtenstein, a tiny redoubt of civilization located between bland Switzerland and corrupt Austria. Vaduz has no monorail, but per capita it does have numerous international banks (with catchy names like 'Liechtensteinische Landesbank Aktiengesellschaft'), enough to satisfy the most complex tax evasion and money laundering needs.

What truly sets Liechtenstein apart as a country is that it has not succumbed to the foolish democracy fad which has ruined all other modern nations. Liechtenstein is still ruled by a monarch, as it has been since the the Middle Ages (not coincidentally the last decent period in human history). The current head of state is Prince Hans-Adam II of Liechtenstein, a rather dashing fellow, and over dinner at Vaduz Castle he describes to me the wealth and happiness that flows to Liechtenstein's people as a result of its monarchical system (if you are surprised by that you have not read Hans-Hermann Hoppe).

I ask the Prince if he worries that others may become envious of the superiority of his country, and seek to harm it. He assures me that Liechtenstein is not a terror target. I reply I wasn't thinking of terrorists, I was thinking of people living in Western democracies, who must endure rule by mediocrities and endure the anguish of knowing they chose the mediocrities themselves (I think this dual burden is in part what is driving many in the West to extinction, or at least why there is so much road rage). The Prince laughs, and explains that Liechtenstein fears no one, not even America, as it is protected by an invisible force field powered by a device located beneath Vaduz Castle. Mental illness as a result of inbreeding is nothing new when it comes to royalty, and (in my opinion) being completely insane in no way detracts from Prince Hans-Adam II as a host. Tomorrow some convicted litterbugs (did I mention what a tidy city Vaduz is?) are being released from prison, and after giving them a 10 minute head start the Prince and I are going to hunt them with shotguns.

08 December 2004

Mystery Gas Cloud

I recently stumbled across this disturbing article:

No explanation for mystery gas cloud Things are back to normal in Kittery, after a mysterious cloud of gas floated over the city Monday morning, causing several stores and the town's high school to be evacuated..(more)

I wonder, what were the whereabouts of female impersonator and third-rate journalist Garance Franke-Ruta on the day in question? In a recent item published on the webpage of little read magazine The American Prospect, Mr. Franke-Ruta, clearly suffering from envy, has taken it upon himself to attack the brilliant Steve Sailer because Sailer was quoted in the New York Times (apparently no one at the New York Times will take notice of the journalism of poor Mr. Garance Franke-Ruta, despite his pretending to be a woman). But the attack is nothing more than an odorous gas cloud. Mr. Franke-Ruta's accuses the New York Times of being "shoddy" for mentioning Sailer, and calls Sailer's opinions "clap-trap", and suggests Sailer is a racist. Yet his evidence demonstrating the despicableness of Sailer is nothing more than guilt by association and the opinion of the discredited frauds at the Southern Poverty Law Center.

Since Mr. Franke-Ruta seems to think that being accused of racism by an activist group means one is racist, it should be noted that he and his magazine has been accused of racism by an organization of Hispanic activists:

I now argue that it is this "culture of exclusion" that results in a "climate of hostility" in which insensitivity to Hispanic flourishes. I now argue that this is the only reasonable explanation for the fact that American Prospect could - without a qualm - allow a writer to submit an article as mean-spirited and malicious as Franke-Ruta's - in my opinion.

While none of its 19 Senior Correspondents are Latino (0%), two of its 16 Contributing Editors are Latino (12.5%). The overall "presence" of Hispanics is thus 6%, less than half of what their demographics would suggest - absent any kind of discrimination, or "exclusion," I should say.


I do not know whether Mr. Franke-Ruta is a racist or not, but why should he be given the benefit of the doubt when he does not extend it to others?

07 December 2004

Flight delayed

"Paradise was unendurable, otherwise the first man would have adapted to it; this world is no less so, since here we regret paradise or anticipate another one. What to do? where to go? Do nothing and go nowhere, easy enough" - E. M. Cioran

06 December 2004

Arrival: Stockholm

Somehow Scandinavians manage to be sexually uninhibited and boring at the same time. I pondered this acutely modern paradox as I walked with the Mayor of Sweden, up Apelbersgatain (all streets in Sweden have ridiculous names), along Slojdgatan, and down Mallmskillnadsgatan (a part of her city the Mayor seemed particularly proud of).

Eventually she took me to a zoo, where together we observed various sorry creatures in cages, despondent from being so far from home. The Mayor told me that when one of the zoo’s animals dies, instead of purchasing a new one the zoo policy now is to hire a Muslim immigrant and have him dress up in costume as the deceased animal. This helps the zoo stay under budget and it is hoped that if they are kept busy the muslim immigrants will stab fewer people.

“Sweden is very tolerant of its Muslim immigrants”, the mayor tells me (though she can’t tell me why). “We are also very tolerant of the gays.” If that’s the case, I reply, then why don’t you build your homosexualists a monorail (or, as I call it, a ‘manorail’)? And I explain the concept to her. The mayor seems intrigued.

Later in the evening at a nightclub I meet a very open minded Swedish couple. They take me to their home, where the very open minded Swedish man allows me to have my way with his wife. I’m impressed by the home’s modernist furnishings, but disappointed the couple's teenaged daughter is away on a holiday of some sort.

Point of departure

No one is happy in the airport. That man has invented machines to fly is incredible in itself, that nearly everyone is able to fly anywhere in the world at relatively little cost is practically a miracle. What does it say about the modern world that we not only fail to appreciate this, but have managed to make flying a miserable experience?

At some point during the flight an obese man in the seat next to me dozes off. Or at least I think he does, it doesn't look as if he is breathing. I'm not sure what to do. I suffer from a strange psychological condition (that I have yet to find a name for) in which I convince myself that sleeping people are actually dead. I tell myself that as long as he has life insurance (and it is his own fault if he does not) his poor wife (if he has one) will will be better off with him out of the picture, and with this happy thought in my head I doze off too.

05 December 2004

Proclaim your joy: Seattle

joy

A Seattle resident reacts upon hearing the news that the planned route of the world's first homosexualist monorail (or, as I call it, 'manorail') includes a stop near his favorite public restroom.


Arrival: Seattle

Seattle is a city of pretensions, though it is impossible to determine what the city has to be pretentious about. When you ask Seattlians (as I do) what Seattle has to be pretentious about, its meek and dull citizens will incongruously point to the nearby mountains as being at the heart of the city's charm (if the city's charm is from natural objects outside the city, why not point to the moon?) Some suggest Seattle's grotesque new sports stadiums (I can hardly believe it myself). Others point to the ridiculous glass junk that people in Seattle consider to be art because they don't know anything about art.

A few honest ones will admit that while it rains a lot, the weather is never punitive, and unlike some places it is fairly easy for a person who minds his own business to avoid being attacked by Negroes, and besides there are a lot of Thai restaurants. So there you have it.

Recently, the citizens of Seattle decided to make their already mediocre city even worse by building a monorail through it, at a direct cost of more than a billion dollars. The indirect costs will be in the millions. It will cause a city already suffering high unemployment to lose jobs. It will cause a city already suffering clogged traffic to suffer even more during construction, and upon completion it will do nothing to alleviate traffic as few will actually leave their cars to ride it. Given the superior mass transit options that are soon to be developed, Seattle's monorail can be considered obsolete, and it hasn't even been built yet.

I was initially perplexed as to why the bland people of Seattle would embark on such an obviously lunatic endeavor, until I examined who the monorails biggest supporters were. I realized that purpose of the monorail is not to improve public transportation, not at all. It's purpose is to whisk homosexualists, in kitschy retro-50's style, to various assignations about town, from ass orgy in Ballard, to a piece of rough trade in an alley behind a nightclub in Belltown, ending in a stall at a public restroom somewhere in West Seattle.

So in the future when asked what it is that makes Seattle such a wonderful place, another stupid answer for the Seattlians to provide will be 'Seattle's monorail for Homosexualists'(perhaps they should call it a 'manorail?), the only public transportation system in the world with the sole purpose of making it easier for gay men to find 'dates'. I hope they paint it pink.

04 December 2004

AM

"...it may be that high-neuroticism individuals, who commonly suffer sleep disturbance, can retain relatively disconnected material, albeit at the expense of constant daily vigilance in sorting useful from useless memories." - C.R.BRAND, 1984, in J.Nicolson & Halla Beloff, Psychology Survey 5. Leicester : British Psychol. Society.