Arrival: Seattle

Seattle is a city of pretensions, though it is impossible to determine what the city has to be pretentious about. When you ask Seattlians (as I do) what Seattle has to be pretentious about, its meek and dull citizens will incongruously point to the nearby mountains as being at the heart of the city's charm (if the city's charm is from natural objects outside the city, why not point to the moon?) Some suggest Seattle's grotesque new sports stadiums (I can hardly believe it myself). Others point to the ridiculous glass junk that people in Seattle consider to be art because they don't know anything about art.

A few honest ones will admit that while it rains a lot, the weather is never punitive, and unlike some places it is fairly easy for a person who minds his own business to avoid being attacked by Negroes, and besides there are a lot of Thai restaurants. So there you have it.

Recently, the citizens of Seattle decided to make their already mediocre city even worse by building a monorail through it, at a direct cost of more than a billion dollars. The indirect costs will be in the millions. It will cause a city already suffering high unemployment to lose jobs. It will cause a city already suffering clogged traffic to suffer even more during construction, and upon completion it will do nothing to alleviate traffic as few will actually leave their cars to ride it. Given the superior mass transit options that are soon to be developed, Seattle's monorail can be considered obsolete, and it hasn't even been built yet.

I was initially perplexed as to why the bland people of Seattle would embark on such an obviously lunatic endeavor, until I examined who the monorails biggest supporters were. I realized that purpose of the monorail is not to improve public transportation, not at all. It's purpose is to whisk homosexualists, in kitschy retro-50's style, to various assignations about town, from ass orgy in Ballard, to a piece of rough trade in an alley behind a nightclub in Belltown, ending in a stall at a public restroom somewhere in West Seattle.

So in the future when asked what it is that makes Seattle such a wonderful place, another stupid answer for the Seattlians to provide will be 'Seattle's monorail for Homosexualists'(perhaps they should call it a 'manorail?), the only public transportation system in the world with the sole purpose of making it easier for gay men to find 'dates'. I hope they paint it pink.

Comments

  1. I thought you were pretty reactionary when I saw you used the term "homosexualist", but I now see you use the term "negro", so my suspicions are confirmed. For a while, not too long ago, even the WN site Amren.com banned the use of that term as offensive.

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  2. I thought you were pretty reactionary when I saw you used the term "homosexualist", but I now see you use the term "negro", so my suspicions are confirmed. For a while, not too long ago, even the WN site Amren.com banned the use of that term as offensive.

    ReplyDelete

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