After I kicked him awake he asked for another

Have you contracted the deadly bird flu yet? If not, it’s only a matter of time - at least according to the experts it is.1

I’m not one to go down without a fight, so last night I set up an anti-avian defensive perimeter in my yard.2 My hope is that after an infected bird lands and proceeds his way across the lawn to my front door in order to barge into my home and infect me, the winged nincompoop will be tempted en route to sample the toxic liquid from one of the bowls and die. This morning on the grass I found two dead cats and a comatose hobo. Obviously I need to use some stronger stuff.


1I’m told that these aren’t the same experts who prophesized the ‘Y2K bug’ apocalypse, but I’m not sure I believe it.

2About a dozen medium to large bowls of poison.

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