Free blurbs (cheap)
Free movie blurbs:
“An intriguing masterpiece that will have you leaving the theater scratching other peoples heads.”
“A groundbreaking documentary which unflinchingly unmasks the Chomsky/Sasquatch connection.
“A poignant coming of age tale you and your whole gay family will love.”
“Chilling. The most terrifying movie since The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants.”
“Cars, a fat guy, there’s this girl. Set in a large city somewhere. Music goes boop boop beep. Some other stuff happens. Irresistable.”
“Hello Crudup? It’s Oscar™ calling!”
Free book blurbs:
“A masterpiece. If this book had a shoe it would take it off and hit Jonathan Franzen up side the head with it.”
“I couldn’t put it down! The best scroll since those Dead Sea ones.”
“A real page turner which unflinchingly unmasks the Chomsky/Mothman connection.”
“A must read for anyone thinking of buying a new alarm clock.”
“A delectable romp of a book that even non-vegetarians will be tempted to cook and eat.”
“Hello Danticat? It’s Pullitzer calling!”
Free music blurbs:
“21st Century Foghat.”
“The oboe meets the streets, and the streets will never be the same.”
“Finally, a banjo-core album you and your whole gay family can dance to.”
“Imagine if Greg Dulli and Amy Winehouse had a love child who was raised by wolves yet grew up to make records which sounded exactly like Coldplay. Now stop imagining that.”
“A+. The Chomsky/Yeti duets reveal musical and emotional sides of Chomsky and the Yeti we’ve never seen before.”
“Raptacular.”
“Riffalicious.”
“Jazzdiculous.”
“A concept album which will change the world the way Styx’s Mr. Roboto did.”
“Hello Nutini? It’s Grammy™ calling!”
BONUS – free car blurb:
“Plenty of acceleration, a spacious interior, the sleek styling causes pedestrians you hit to just slide right off.”
“An intriguing masterpiece that will have you leaving the theater scratching other peoples heads.”
“A groundbreaking documentary which unflinchingly unmasks the Chomsky/Sasquatch connection.
“A poignant coming of age tale you and your whole gay family will love.”
“Chilling. The most terrifying movie since The Sisterhood of Traveling Pants.”
“Cars, a fat guy, there’s this girl. Set in a large city somewhere. Music goes boop boop beep. Some other stuff happens. Irresistable.”
“Hello Crudup? It’s Oscar™ calling!”
Free book blurbs:
“A masterpiece. If this book had a shoe it would take it off and hit Jonathan Franzen up side the head with it.”
“I couldn’t put it down! The best scroll since those Dead Sea ones.”
“A real page turner which unflinchingly unmasks the Chomsky/Mothman connection.”
“A must read for anyone thinking of buying a new alarm clock.”
“A delectable romp of a book that even non-vegetarians will be tempted to cook and eat.”
“Hello Danticat? It’s Pullitzer calling!”
Free music blurbs:
“21st Century Foghat.”
“The oboe meets the streets, and the streets will never be the same.”
“Finally, a banjo-core album you and your whole gay family can dance to.”
“Imagine if Greg Dulli and Amy Winehouse had a love child who was raised by wolves yet grew up to make records which sounded exactly like Coldplay. Now stop imagining that.”
“A+. The Chomsky/Yeti duets reveal musical and emotional sides of Chomsky and the Yeti we’ve never seen before.”
“Raptacular.”
“Riffalicious.”
“Jazzdiculous.”
“A concept album which will change the world the way Styx’s Mr. Roboto did.”
“Hello Nutini? It’s Grammy™ calling!”
BONUS – free car blurb:
“Plenty of acceleration, a spacious interior, the sleek styling causes pedestrians you hit to just slide right off.”
Haha.
ReplyDeleteWhat's wrong with you?! I have things to DO you goddamn fucker? Are YOU going to pay my rent? Your probably just a stage or seven above my own level of insolvency. You've gotta stop this rapturous killing-spree! Unemployed Philosopher-Clergymen-Anarchists of the World Unite!
ReplyDeletemnuez