Across Difficult Country

Chinese horse cavalry invaded and occupied India for two days . A tribe of Rastafarian pygmies were observed in Indonesia : “A number of rangers claim the pygmies grow their dreadlocks down to their waist. The first sighting by the rangers was on March 17 at 6:40 p.m. local time,” said TNWK [The Way Kambas National Park] spokesman Sukatmoko. He added that several rangers patrolling the park claimed the pygmies were seen moving to the PT Nusantara Tropical Fruit (NTF) plantation. They were seen running from the TNWK forest to the plantation. “Apparently, many fruit trees, such as banana, guava and dragon fruit, are grown in the NTF plantation area. If the pygmies like fruit, they might have entered the plantation for food,” said Sukatmoko. And if they don't like fruit, what then? The Old Town Show vegetables results .

After carefully studying the pufferfish, a group of unnamed scientists concluded humans “may eventually” evolve beaks . I think humans may eventually evolve elephant-like proboscides, allowing continuous snacking from the fast food bag while eyes and fingers are occupied by screens and buttons. Admittedly, I can’t back up my theory with any sort of aquatic animal.

I discover Whitby’s oldest tradition is a ritual penance for the murder of a hermit , which I‘m sure doesn't surprise you.* In other Whitby news, children are terrified by the packs of dogs roaming Whitby’s beaches. Whitby’s beaches are “ among the best places to visit in the whole country ”. Meanwhile, in Grimsby, the library staff are “brilliant” and bright red “slipper socks” have been “ rolled out on the wards ”. If the Grimbarians ever ritually murdered a hermit they've done a good job of covering it up, there’s nothing on the record. * I could go on at length about the symbolic significance of the hermit being killed by three hunters, and all the triadic aspects of the ritual. I’m sure that doesn't surprise you, either.

I lack the progressive fervor for buggery, so if I were President I would never call and congratulate someone for being a homosexualist. I would, however, call and congratulate someone for  squandering his life savings on a carnival game in exchange for a giant-stuffed-Rastafarian banana with dreadlocks. Partly for reminding us there is little at all done among men that is not full of folly, as Erasmus put it, and partly because just look at that banana.

As a disinterested observer of the papal election, I’m struck by demands for a “ more modern ” pope. Isn't there enough modernity in the world? Look around, it’s everywhere. A man can’t take two steps in his talking sneakers without stepping in it. If anything what’s needed is more antiquity. At the very least for novelty‘s sake, but also because it would be an improvement in so many areas. The advice given by a sacred bull, for example, would surely be better than the bull dung supplied by those the modern world calls experts.

In Zimbabwe the beheading of an overly demanding goblin went awry, producing  an explosion which destroyed a house  and killed five people. In other Zimbabwe news, six women were arrested after a bag they had stolen attracted the attention of a crowd by talking. Zimbabwe used to look like this , back when it was called Rhodesia and run by evil racists. I've joked about Whitby falling into the sea , now Whitby is falling into the sea . Painter Georg Baselitz reminds me of a Bernhard character. Sad news from Timmanakumeri , where  Ramakrishna Acharya  drowned while bathing in a stream.  Research indicates nothing else has ever happened in Timmanakumeri. Children in Catterick Garrison, have been reading to dogs to boost their confidence, the Northern Echo reports . Why the dogs lack confidence the article does not say. Stanley drivers can check if their child car seats are fitted correctly at clinics sponsored by the Good Egg Ca...

Daniel Henninger notices  American politics has become racialized. To remedy this he thinks the GOP should instruct ethnics not to be racially motivated. Henninger is: deputy editor of The Wall Street Journal's editorial page. His weekly column, "Wonder Land," appears in The Wall Street Journal each Thursday. Mr. Henninger was a finalist for a Pulitzer Prize in editorial writing in 1987 and 1996, and shared in the Journal's Pulitzer Prize in 2002 for the paper's coverage of the attacks on September 11. In 2004, he won the Eric Breindel Journalism Award for his weekly column. He has won the Gerald Loeb Award for commentary, the Scripps Howard Foundation's Walker Stone Award for editorial writing and the American Society of Newspaper Editors' Distinguished Writing Award for editorial writing. A native of Cleveland, Mr. Henninger is a graduate of Georgetown University's School of Foreign Service. I'm reminded of what Keynes observed about Ber...