Departure: Parking garage

I plan on covering the Michael Jackson trial ‘in depth’ as the journalistas like to say. Of course I won’t be going to Los Angeles (after my recent experiences in Lome I’m trying to avoid third world cities for awhile), instead I’m going to watch the entire hideous spectacle on TV. I have even gone so far as to have my ride pimped by installing a television set in the steering wheel, to ensure I won’t miss a minute of the trial in the event I have to drive somewhere in the next six months.

Jackson is clearly innocent. Really, he is. Examine the past actions of his accuser’s family. And examine the testimony of Corey Feldman, who assures us Jackson never fondled him. Think about it for a moment – would someone who takes advantage of boys pass on a young Corey Feldman given the chance? It makes no sense.

While it may be because of his wealth and fame, I suspect the poor creature’s being persecuted in part because he’s the best dancer in the world. Envy is an ugly thing. I also think he’s resented because he’s a homosexualist by nature yet chooses to be asexual. This is something modern liberals and activist homosexualists find intolerable, but I find it admirable, as it allows even those who loathe homosexualists to enjoy his delightful dancing.

Some worry Jackson won’t get a fair trial, as the jury has no Afro-Americans on it. If I were Jackson I would be more concerned about the jury’s lack of mimes. It is a dilemma for legal theorists though: how can a man who has none be given a jury of peers? But I have faith in the legal system, and at the end of these sham proceedings when he is found not guilty and fully vindicated, remember who told you it would happen.

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