Scarborough donkey news

Because of new animal cruelty rules the fat children of Scarborough can no longer ride donkeys:

Anyone over eight stone will not be allowed to ride a donkey on the beach – which means that obese children may need to be turned away.

The rules have been written by The Donkey Sanctuary and the British Equine Vets’ Association to protect the hard-working animals.

Melanie Fisher, who operates donkeys on Scarborough’s South Bay beach, said: “We have always stuck to our own limit of around six stone anyway, so the new guideline won’t affect us. I think eight stone is still too much when you consider the weight of the saddle too.”

Mrs Fisher said she has had to turn away overweight children in the past but has never faced an angry reaction from parents.

She said: “People are generally fine about it. We just say the child is too big to ride a donkey and ask if they would like to help us lead it along the beach instead.

“It’s all about what’s best for the donkey at the end of the day.”

Are you listening, fat children of children of Scarborough? It's not about what's best for you, it's about what's best for the donkey. Your townspeople care more about the physical well being of beasts of burden than they do about your fragile psyches. Your status is now beneath that of an ugly and unpleasant animal.

Normally I would find this funny, but I possess a violent hatred of donkeys. I think it would be better if saddles were put on the obese children, allowing thinner kids to ride them. This would give the little fatties some much needed exercise. Then the donkeys, no longer being needed, could be sold to the Mussulmen for use as sex slaves.

In other Scarborough donkey news, a photograph of a local donkey named Patch won first prize in a national completion.