08 November 2009

Death comes for the Qaiser

We’ve grown so accustomed to bears being fat, furry entertainers who amuse us by ice skating, juggling, wrestling, and "inexplicably" murdering people, that it’s easy to forget bears can also be heroes. Heroes waging one-bear wars against terrorists:
A wild bear mauled to death two militants of the Hizbul Mujahideen outfit in a south Kashmir forest on Monday, officials said.

A spokesman of the army said a wild bear entered the forest hideout of the separatist guerrillas and killed two of them in Kulgam district.

"The bear entered the hideout of the terrorists in Dand Nar forest area in Kulgam district today and killed two Hizbul Mujahideen terrorists identified as Saifullah and Qaiser," the spokesman said.

The spokesman said Saifullah was the district commander of the Hizbul Mujahideen for Pir Panchal area while Qaiser was a tehsil (sub-district) commander of the outfit.
 Surprisingly, the tangly jungle of the Kashmiri mountains is safer than most large American cities:
It is the first time in the over two decade-long separatist violence in Kashmir that a wild animal has killed separatist guerrillas who often use the densely forested mountains here to build safe havens.
 Sounds like another nice area to relocate some of our oldies to.

6 comments:

  1. The famous mountain climber Reinhold Messner, who made the first solo ascent of Mt. Everest without oxygen, argues that the Abominable Snowman is actually a giant subspecies of nocturnal bear. Messner's critics have long argued that he damaged his brain by oxygen deprivation.

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  2. Linguistics may support the bear hypotheses.

    Supposedly Jimmy Stewart helped smuggle a Yeti hand stolen from a monastery out of India.

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  3. Imagine if the Russians captured a Yeti. They would force it to ice skate.

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  4. If we captured a Yeti we would make it watch Jimmy Stewart movies. Everything comes full (arctic) circle.

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  5. My word verification for that last comment was "mazumbus" - which might be an example of Yeti nomenclature.
    Mazumbus: meaning one who rubs giant meatballs on the private parts of others.

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  6. Ha! Mazumbus sounds like something Yeti's would engange in. It also sounds like the name of a small van that Honda only sells in Japan.

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