Justice renders to every one his due

The Bush Crimes Commission (BCC) is an independent committee which has taken upon itself the duty of indicting the current President for his various atrocities. Its members include such notables as the president of the National Lawyers Guild and compulsive filer of frivolous lawsuits Michael Avery, unpopular rapper Cornel West, The Reverend Doctor Earl Kooperkamp (his name is my name too), hairy former television actor Edward Asner, Eve Ensler (famous authoress of the play ‘Chatting With Snatches’), the great Belgian moralist Patrick Deboosere, the Maoist C. Clark Kissinger (who bears the burden of his unfortunate surname with the utmost dignity if you ask me), and, of course, Gore Vidal (one of these without Vidal is like mashed potatoes without gravy).

One of the crimes against humanity the Commission promises to investigate is Bush’s failure to “emphasize safe sex and the use of condoms”. If they find him guilty I wonder what his sentence will be. I’m sure the BCC opposes the death penalty, so that’s off the table. Perhaps forcing Bush to listen to a Noam Chomsky lecture? But they also oppose torture. It will be interesting to see what happens.

The idealism of the BCC has inspired one person: my good friend Professor Glen Morangie. Noting the number of academics involved, he decided he deserves to be a member too and recently sent the BCC (commission@nion.us) the following email:
To Whom it May Concern:

My name is Professor Glen Morangie. I am an unaffiliated academic and renowned thinker, who does independent research in a variety of fields, including history, intercontinental philosophy, and phrenology. I am an expert on the medical condition emetophilia, which I also suffer from. I try to take one day at a time. It’s a challenge but I’m making progress.

Not only am I willing to assist the commission in indicting the President Bush, but I also am willing to volunteer as bailiff for any subsequent war crimes/hate crimes/crimes against humanity/enviro-crimes/UFO cover-up crimes/ trial that is held. I am able to provide my own bailiff’s uniform and sidearm, which probably sets me apart from the other candidates seeking the baliff’s position.

So please add my name to the Bush Crimes Commission roster. If I don’t hear from anyone I will assume you have done so. I look forward to participating with all of my fellow commission members at the next meeting of the BCC January 20-22, thank you in advance for allowing me to play a tiny role in this important process. No justice no peace!

Sincerely,

Professor Glen Morangie.

P.S. Are refreshments going to be provided? I can always bring a tin of my famous homemade brownies if need be. Let me know!

Comments

  1. My heart is gladdened by the reappearance of the ever-versatile Professor Morangie. I was afraid you had lost contact.

    ReplyDelete
  2. By any chance, did Dr. Morangie actually write "Letters from a Nut" by "Ted L. Nancy" (an epistolary book with an introduction by Jerry Seinfeld). The prose styles are similar.

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380973545/002-1425798-5763256?v=glance&n=283155

    ReplyDelete
  3. Zeil: He's been demanding I refer to him as "special guest star" Professor Glen Morangie.


    Steve: Though he denies it, I'm convinced that the Professor was inspired by the classic Lazlo Letters of Lazlo Toth.

    Ted Nancy must have been inspired by Lazlo as well.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Refreshments WILL be provided.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Are there any Canadians on BCC? You should demand to be let on the comission for diversity reasons STAG.

    ReplyDelete

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