The desecration of a delicate art

Michael Bolton has recorded an album of songs made famous by Frank Sinatra, Bolton Swings Sinatra (“swings” being a euphemism for “craps upon”). It would have been easy enough to record a set of new songs, but for a certain type of mediocrity the realization he’s incapable of producing art gives rise, not to modesty, but an urge to destroy the art produced by others. Bolton is of this type, as were the Talibanis who blew-up those giant Buddha statues. So too are the misshapen amateurs who desecrate the art of pole dancing with their clumsy gyrations. Please ladies, leave the stripping to the skilled professionals. If, for example, it's hard to tell if you're preganant or just fat (i.e. the woman on the right), stay off the pole, your ruining a beautiful thing for everybody.

Speaking of strippers: from the ADC archives, Actual Conversations With Strippers.

Comments

  1. It is a fair question to ask whether it was the Taliban or Michael Bolton who inflicted more misery on innocent civilians.

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  2. Ha! that is a good question. It occurs to me that somewhere an ugly amatuer stripper might be twirling on a pole to the strains of "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You". The horror...

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. Exactly what are strippers selling that isnt available for free on the streets these days. Certainly, where I live, if you've got a drop of imagination, you can fill in the missing square inches of flesh that are not exposed by today's fashions for younger woman.

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  5. I noticed you only included the link to Conversations, part 1. Exactly how many conversations were there?

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  6. I had enough material for a Part 2, and planned on doing it but never got around to it.

    I also intended on writing a series of 'actual converstations with' - ex-girlfriends, hobos, drunk people, etc. but never got around to those either.

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  7. I will never forgive Michael Bolton for butchering "Dock of the Bay". The song, as originally recorded, was sad, contemplative, thoughtful. Bolton's delivery was all wrong.No one sits on a dock, miles from home,regretting his lost opportunities, and screaming to himself. Well, no one outside New York, anyway. Bolton and his hair extensions should take a long walk off a short dock.

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  8. Otis Redding wrote that song too. Since it's going to suck anyway, why not cover songs that are awful to begin with, i.e. 'Bolton wails Warrant's Greatest Hits'? Or 'Bolton croons Cutting Crew?'?

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  9. Good idea. "Bolton Sings the Complete Catalogue of Gilbert O'Sullivan"... "Bolton Goes to FunkeyTown"...the possibilities are endless.

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  10. Your assignment: "Actual Conversations With Michael Bolton."

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