16 March 2008

It’s not the food item that causes crime, it’s the man who wields it

The tables were turned on a man discovered stealing meat from the freezer of an Italian eatery in Gloucester, Massachusetts. The startled thief menaced the restaurant’s owner with a “five-pound log of frozen Italian meat”, but the restaurateur retaliated, bashing the meat burglar in the face with a big ham. The thief fled and remains at large. It’s unknown if the suspect was drunk or a Polack, but at this time neither possibility can be ruled out.

None of which has anything to do with the gigantic plantain banana shaped UFO Chilean air force general Hernan Gabrieli Rojas saw in the skies over northern Chile in 1978. The huge and idiotic looking craft was last seen flying in the direction of Easter Island, and has never been seen since.

2 comments:

  1. non de guerre18/3/08 8:07 PM

    The connection is obvious. That giant plantain shaped spaceship was on its way to Easter Island to pick up a giant Easter ham, such as was used by the resourceful restaurant owner in defense of his meat. They've got giant hogs on that island. Or maybe its turtles.

    But I'm puzzled by the case of the combusting fat lady in 1885 at the bottom of the UFO info page. I can see how she would have burst into flames - she had a lot of lard on her and that stuff is very flammable. But there is no indication that she had recently devoured any Mexican food; nor is Rooney a pollack name, to my knowledge.

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  2. That's as good a theory as any. I hadn't read the SHC case until you pointed it out. I wondered about this:

    "But Dr. Clendens "was stumped to explain the cause of Mrs. Rooney's grotesque demise. He determined that a fire strong enough to have left so few remains must have burned for several minutes at over 2,500 degrees Fahrenheit"

    Did they have thermometers that went up to 2,500 in 1885?

    I also tried to find a report of a sausage shaped UFO over Poland. No luck. I did find a report of some Polacks offering visitors from a UFO some Polish sausages, which caused the aliens to run. Maybe they were on a diet.

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