Across Difficult Country

In a column about his epic journey from liberal Democrat to liberal Republican , pundit and milquetoast David Brooks reveals he enjoys eating garbage : "So I sit there in my green jacket, happily chewing on a Twizzler that I probably left in a pocket in 1979..." Disgusting as Brooks habit is, I suspect most establishment pundits of the official press  are secretly harboring far grosser vices.

Photograph of anomalous big cat roaming field. The Black Beast of the Bay (an anomalous big cat ) was spotted prowling Whitby again this summer . The accursed town was also attacked by a raft of poisonous snakes , and at the moment the air in Whitby is obscured by massive swarms of insects . The bugs have “caused havoc”, are “known to spread diseases”, and are capable of “ infesting the softest parts ”. Ominously, “Experts predict the invasion will…soon attract…predators.” Meanwhile, in Driffield, absolutely nothing continues to happen .

Scientists studying sea lampreys have unlocked the mystery of human stress hormones. Eons ago, when Man was still an Aquatic Ape , disgusting lampreys would cling all over him, drain his blood, then drag him neath the waves. Researchers now believe these attacks caused a lot of stress, so stress hormones were evolved as a countermeasure. While Man eventually gave up being aquatic, fears of being covered in lampreys and dragged neath the waves can still induce anxiety in some beachgoers. Fortunately, Modern Man is able to augment his stress hormones with relaxing cigarettes, though the bureaucrats hate to admit it.

I receive a missive from my old friend Judge Florentino Floro Jr . Just the other day I was wondering whatever happened to him, he must have read my mind (the judge is known for that sort of thing). It turns out he’s been working on a book about his amazing life, the three Mystic Dwarves, crab mentality Pinoys, the nature of the universe, and more. He writes: eElven Supremacy 2010: 27 years Dalliance; LUIS, Armand & Angel; the Violet Lights The Greatest Story of Friendship Ever Told, eBook Part One 2 years and a quarter of a century ago, LUIS, Armand and Angel changed my life and wrote my destiny (at exactly 7 p.m., June 2, 1983, at the wake of my father, Florentino, Sr.). Even if today’s scientists began to investigate aliens and the matter of how something can be made to travel faster than the speed of light, hoping that man can time travel, still, the Violet lights of LUIS remains a mystery and I predict that this pure light would be solely his and mine. The entire un...

When I was a boy, when I wanted to read the June, 1906 edition of Cement Age , the “monthly magazine devoted to the interests of cement”, I had to pedal my bicycle all the way to the university library. Today, thanks to the advance of technology, I can access issues of Cement Age , the “monthly magazine devoted to the interests of cement”, with the click of a button. But I never do, my interest in cement, concrete construction, and Cement Age having waned long ago, with the onset of pre-puberty. As is often the case the future was rendered obsolete before it arrived .

We have known thousands who as young men at the University were volcanoes of originality and poetry, and promised to remain so, and now are either servile or liberal philistines. We, on the contrary, are steadily becoming strangers to the world and its ways, and live a private life which (silently for the moment) runs clean contrary to present trends. — Doesn’t it sometimes seem to you as though one fine day on a lonely path you would meet a dwarf who would open a secret door in the moss and stones of the forest and lead you into a new world? — Do drop your hostility to the Middle Ages! What weighs upon us, somewhat, are the apes of the Middle Ages, not the real, genuine age of Dante and his consorts, who were, au contraire, wonderful people. Classical antiquity, if it were imposed par ordre de Mufti, would not be much less irksome. I have in my hands the historical proofs of how wonderfully people enjoyed themselves in the Middle Ages, when life was more colorful and rich than can po...