Across Difficult Country

The election celebrations taking place in Lome, Togo, took a nasty turn when a group of masked, armed men burned the Goethe Institute , a "German cultural center" to the ground. It’s thought the attackers targeted the Goethe Institute because Germany colonized Togo in 1884, but I suspect the real reason is the attackers were forced to read Goethe as schoolchildren and finally decided to do something about it. A more worrisome possibility is the attack is a harbinger of a future Togolese invasion of the German heartland. Germany's future looks bleak. Its population is declining, and now, in order to revive its moribund economy, Germany plans on implementing Keynesian economic policies , despite it being common knowledge that Keynesian economic policies don’t work. The burning of the Goethe Institute center indicates the Togolese sense the German weakness, and Togo is a nation looking to expand. When Togo does evade Germany, the Germans will probably surrender because fig...

LOME (Reuters) - Youths hurled rocks and set up blazing barricades in Togo's capital on Tuesday when Faure Gnassingbe , son of the late authoritarian leader, was declared the winner of a presidential election I'm not surprised the Togolese youths are celebrating. As I observed when in Togo: Everyone knows Faure Gnassingbe, as son of a president and possessor of an MBA (I call him the African Bush) is the best possible president for Togo ...[ Togo situation so-so ] For more on Togo see: Departure: Lome, Togo ; Togo a-Go-Go ; To be fair to Togo ; and Departure: Togo .

I’m leaving Togo, despite unfinished business (I was never able to meet Faure Gnassingbe), as a drunken excursion into the Togolese bush has left me with a mysterious rash that Lome’s finest witch doctors seem unable to cure. Gnassy the younger’s government has shut down a number of the Togo’s television and radio stations . This is (predictably) being condemned by outsiders. Of course none of these outsiders have ever actually watched Togolese television. I have, the shows are almost as bad as the ones on UPN. So it's hard to get excited about seeing the stations shut down, and those complaining about the local talk radio being suppressed have short memories . In related news, Nigeria is now threatening to invade Togo in order to restore democracy: Femi Fani-Kayode, spokesman of Nigeria's President Olusegun Obasanjo, today was asked whether his country was considering using military force in Togo. "Whatever it takes to ... ensure there is peace, democracy and stability i...

Since I have mocked the Togolese taste for voodoo, witch doctors, and magic charms made from animal skulls and human hunchback humps, it seems only fair to acknowledge the existence in the West of people who believe: There is an extraordinary natural healing substance, produced by our own bodies, that modern medical science has proven to be one of the most powerful natural medicines known to man. Unlike many other natural medical therapies, this method requires no monetary investment or doctor's intervention and can be easily accessed and used at any time. The extensive medical research findings on this natural medicine have never been compiled and released to the general public before now, but those who have been fortunate enough to hear about this medicine and use it have found that it can produce often astounding healing even when all other therapies have failed. And this substance is? This extraordinary miracle medicine that numerous doctors, researchers and hundreds of pe...

The situation in Togo is little changed, but it seems that as a result of outside pressure from the usual bores Togo is inching toward democracy. Which is a shame, and is a sign of how out of control the whole democracy fad has become. Everyone knows Faure Gnassingbe, as son of a president and possessor of an MBA (I call him the African Bush) is the best possible president for Togo, and what everyone is failing to acknowledge is given the chance to vote, the Togolese will elect the scariest witch doctor they can find instead. Fascinating Togo fact: In 1963 Togo was ruled by a man named Nicolas Grunitzky, who was half Polish and half Moba . (How can you tell that the kid who stole your bike is half black and half Polish? He's running down the street with the bike under his arm.) I still have not been able to get past the palace security to meet with Gnassy jr. While waiting I’ve stumbled across the writings of Charles Onyango Obbo . I would describe him as a Ugandan Thomas ...

I haven’t been able to meet Faure Gnassingbe yet, as the President’s palace is (sensibly) surrounded by armed guards to prevent ‘protestors’ from causing trouble. Some are complaining that Faure taking over is ‘dynastic’. When did ‘dynastic’ become a slur? Besides being the son of a president (the most popular president in Togo's history), Faure has an MBA from George Washington University. These parallels with America's leader have inspired me to start calling him The Black Bush. Those complaining include Kofi Annan , probably only because he's still angry about the time Gassy mailed him a hunchback’s hump as a practical joke. But it’s a touching story really - out of all of Gassy’s enormous number of children, Faure The Black Bush is the only one to follow him into politics. Those trying to stand in the way of this dream should be ashamed of themselves. Meanwhile I’ve been entertaining myself with the local sights. There’s marvelous shopping here in Lome, as long as ...

Another week, another tragic death. I leave tomorrow for the 'colorful' African nation of Togo ('colorful' being white-liberal speak for 'voodoo infested') to attend the funeral of President Gnassingbe Eyadema (he was so good at his job the Togolese kept him as President without interuption for the past 38 years). I was introduced to 'Gnassy' by our mutual friend the noted political philosopher Col. M. Gadhafi (Gnassy was a Colonel once too). Gnassy was always playing practical jokes. I still laugh thinking of the time he placed a hunchback’s hump in a box, had it gift wrapped, then mailed it to the pompous Kofi Annan (imagine the look on Kofi’s face upon opening it). It turns out this joke is a Togolese classic , though why Togo, an otherwise poor country, has such a surplus of hunchy humps is beyond me. Gnassy was also quite the ladies man, he had three wives and perhaps as many as 100 delightful children (give or take a few dozen), one of whom, ...