Across Difficult Country

A violent career criminal and overrated boxer, Rubin “Hurricane” Carter (no relation) was beloved by sleazy journalists , Hollywood hacks, mush-brained liberal judges  and croaky folk singers because he murdered three white people.

His books, a gooey mix of ghosts, rotten bananas, magic, bean farts and jungle sweat, are beloved by prize committees, middlebrow politicians, left-wing psueds and college girls who wear army boots.

On July 2 the bodies of popular masked midget wrestlers La Parkita and El Espectrito Jr. were found in a Mexico City hotel room . Authorities believe the tiny grapplers were drugged and murdered by thieving whores. Author, investigator, and Fortean theorist John Keel died of cancer on July 3. Keel coined the highly useful terms “ultraterrestrials” and “MIB (Men in Black)”. His most famous book was The Mothman Prophecies . Keel was 79. Walter Cronkite died on July 17, at the age of 92. Beginning in 1962 “Uncle Walter”, as pudding heads called him, read the news on television for the CBS network. Eventually Cronkite became “ the most trusted man in America ”, demonstrating the hypnotic power of the idiot box, and the ease with which Americans are gulled. Cronkite left CBS in 1981 amid allegations he had drunkenly raped CBS colleague Bob “ The Captain Kangaroo ” Keeshan during an out of control office party. Late in life Cronkite dated the older sister of singer Carly Simon.

“A young man should be computer literate, and moreover should know Hemingway from James Joyce. He should know how to drive a car well - such as is not covered in "Driver Ed." He should know how to fly a light airplane. He should know how to shoot well. He should know elementary geography, both worldwide and local. He should have a cursory knowledge of both zoology and botany. He should know the fundamentals of agriculture and corporate economy. He should be well qualified in armed combat, boxing, wrestling, judo, or the equivalent. He should know how to manage a motorcycle. He should be comfortable in at least one foreign language, and more if appropriate to his background. He should be familiar with remedial medicine.” – Col. Jeff Cooper Col. Cooper, who among other things was the “ father of what is commonly known as "The Modern Technique" of handgun shooting, and considered by many to be the world's foremost expert on the use and history of small arms ,” die...

Whenever I hear some bore from the press corps claim he became a reporter because of Woodstein and Bernwood I know he’s an ass. If had to name the one journalist who has inspired me more than any other I would say Carl Kolchak, from the television series Kolchak: The Night Stalker . Outfitted in a seersucker jacket and a jaunty straw hat , Kolchak, artfully depicted by the underrated actor Darren McGavin , would investigate the paranormal with shabby panache. Kolchak (from the episode Mr. R.I.N.G. ): "I don't know when exactly I was in this office last. Someways, it seems like I never left. But no, that's not right. For at least a few days I was away, far away, in the hands of men with no faces and no names. They broke me down, broke my story down, telling me how it hadn't happened the way I claimed. At least, that's what I think they did, between injections. Memories fade fast enough without chemical help, but if I don't tell this story now, I don't think...

Betty Friedan, 1921-2006 Feminist icon Betty Friedan is dead. I’m incapable of writing anything about the woman as funny as the hagiography of her in the New York Times . The harm Friedan and her followers inflicted on society is discussed in How civilizations fall , an essay by the great Kenneth Minogue.

“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut - I'll just give you money and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would need to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend... don’t even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's back home in the file... under "D", for doughnut.” “The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good as a wall. I played a wall once. They're fucking relentless.” “Man. I went to the doctor the other day. All this guy did was suck blood out of my neck. Never go to see Dr. Acula." “Wrote a letter to my dad — I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, I didn't want to ...