Spring Things

In the spring a livelier iris gleams upon the burnished dove, and in Ochopee, Florida a young Bigfoot’s fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Dave Shealy, Bigfootologist and RV park owner, explains:

There are seven to nine Skunk Apes [Bigfoot’s “smaller, smellier cousin”] currently living in the Everglades and right now is the best time to spot one because it’s their mating season.

Lately, he’s heard lots of campers report strange sounds coming from the swamps…it’s the Skunk Ape’s mating call, which sounds like a low-pitched dove cooing.

Though Skunk Apes are generally shy, Shealy says women on their periods should be careful when hiking the area because the cryptoids are attracted to the scent of menstruation.

They’re also aroused by used lingerie, so female campers shouldn’t hang their panties out to dry because, in his words, “That’s like raising a flag and inviting them in.”