I've added Pepper, Softbank’s new “humanoid” robot, to my list of enemies; partly because he’s a charlatan who pretends to understand human emotions, but mostly because of his hideous foot. In the event Pepper approaches me or intrudes on my personal space I will, in all likelihood, roundhouse kick him, and this notice releases me from any ensuing legal liability.


  1. His programming could probably be changed so that he dislikes you too.

    But at least he could not lift his leg and pee on your foot.

    1. I could respect real dislike, but he would only be pretending to dislike me.

  2. "Hostile notice":

    1. Those comments are templates of progressive "argumentation".

  3. after a shamefully long and indefensible hiatus from remembering to read your blog, I offer this tailor-made-for-you news item as some kind of amends:

    Police officer shoots ‘aggressive’ tortoise dead

    A policeman in Uganda has reportedly shot a tortoise dead, maintaining the reptile attacked him at his home.

    The incident, which has left Officer Charles Onegiu “traumatised and stressed”, occurred in the Nebbi district in the north of the country.

    Onegiu claims he was relaxing in his home after work when the hard-shelled assailant made his move.

    “I tried to scare it but the tortoise became very aggressive. I took a stick to chase it but it instead became more violent making me to make alarm,” he told New Vision newspaper.

    After threatening the creature with a plastic chair, the tortoise left the policeman’s home. It was then that Officer Onegiu “instinctively” pulled his firearm on the “big white tortoise”.

    “As I talk now, I am still scared because it is the first time I have seen such an incident happen in my life or heard of one,” he told New Vision.

    A local Christian group later prayed for Onegiu, "before burning the dead reptile to ashes," the paper reported.

    1. You haven't missed much! That story is fantastic.

  4. what's (additionally) funny is that if you google image search "Charles Onegiu" you get mostly pictures of tortoises


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