Across Difficult Country

Giant spiders invade Upper Assam , killing two: It all happened in the evening on May 8. Most of the inhabitants of Chaulkhowa Nagaon village had been to a Bihu function. When the programme drew to a close, swarms of spiders suddenly descended from nowhere and started biting the people. The festive mood soon turned into one of panic with people bumping into each other and tripping over empty benches in their frantic bid to egress.  I nearly ignored this story, on the assumption giant spiders routinely invade India’s Upper Assam, usually when the venomous snakes are taking the day off, but that’s not the case: Assam doesn't have venomous spiders, it never had any throughout history, or there would have been some document, text or art that depicted this spider. An entomologist, speaking “ on condition of anonymity”, points out: The place was notorious for human sacrifice until the mid-19th century when the British stopped this barbaric practice. The place also suffered imm...

Experts on dinosaur bulk at the University of Manchester say dinosaurs are “ much lighter than previously thought ”, while emphasizing the fact dinosaurs are “still huge”. Obviously, that could change at any moment. Some other things previously thought: Protons are much smaller than previously thought. Oldies are far more durable than previously thought. Giant pandas are more numerous than previously thought. Much of the past is more recent than previously thought.

The Northern Echo reports :    A Labour politician has stunned his town council colleagues by claiming his “real mother” is a 9ft green alien with eight fingers.  Councillor Simon Parkes, who was elected to represent Stakesby ward on Whitby Town Council last month, said although he has had hundreds of close encounters with extra-terrestrials, it will not interfere with his mission to help residents at the seaside resort. Speaking on YouTube , Coun Parkes said he first saw an alien at the age of eight months, when “a traditional kite-shaped face”, with huge eyes, tiny nostrils and a thin mouth appeared over his cot.  He said: “Two green stick things came in. I was aware of some movement over my head. I thought, ‘they’re not mummy’s hands, mummy’s hands are pink’.” He added: “I was looking straight into its face. It enters my mind through my eyes and it sends a message down my optic nerve into my brain.  “It says ‘I am your real mother, I am you...

Near the River Ouse at Barlby, the sinister allure of the white van proved irresistible to a maniac (or does driving white vans turn normal men into maniacs?), who used one to run over a boy in a tent. The BBC reports on " Sri Lanka's sinister white van abductions " (I wrote the BBC and asked them to stop stealing my material). A white van crashed into the Town of Lee’s Nice-N-Easy “several times” before heading “south toward Rome” like Ceaser did in 49 BC, said a police schooled in ancient history, whom I made up. The motive for the attack is not known, which surprises none of us because incomprehensible motives is the white van modus operandi . Warminster Township police are baffled by an incident where two men attempted to lure a teen into a gold van.  “Are you sure it was not a white van?” police asked her. The teen insists the van was gold. I will monitor this potential development. In Minneapolis a perverted Mexican exposed himself to a you...

Our foreign missions;-- an embarrassment of riches for the heathen .

If she doesn’t get £30 million Whitby will “ fall into the sea ”, or so an “expert” touted by Whitby’s alarmist local newspaper would have you believe. It sounds like a huge scam, though it may be Whitby's Atlantis-like demise is the inexorable fulfillment of some ancient curse. Either way, spending the £30 million will be a huge waste.