Saying goodbye to oh-five, looking ahead to ought-six

"You know the curious thing about this is, certainly not to diminish it, I see things like that every day in the newspaper - every day. Somebody fell in their bathtub, somebody pulled out of a driveway, somebody ate a poisoned Mars bar. Who the hell knows?" - Christopher Walken.

"He is a most impractical boy . . . often forgetful, he finds difficulty in the most simple things and asks absurd questions, whereas he can understand the most difficult things. He has the most distorted ideas about wit and humour; he draws over his books in a most distressing way, and writes foolish rhymes in other people's books. One is obliged to like him in spite of his vagaries." - A.H. Gilkes, the headmaster of Dulwich, about the then seventeen or eighteen year old Wodehouse.

"The craft of painting has virtually disappeared. There is hardly anyone left who really possesses it. For evidence one has only to look at the painters of this century. - Balthus.

"This is the archetypal modern disease - hysteria is over. Everyone will end up prone to depression after a certain age. There's not really anything you can do about it because while the demands people make of their lives are going to go on growing, their ability to achieve them won't. There may be a chemical solution.

The advantage is that depressives can often be extremely funny. There's nothing like a good depressive for having a humorous and perceptive take on the world. I am very fond of the depressive narrator as a character. Perhaps too much so." - Michel Houellebecq.

"Q: Do you like coming down to London to film Black Books?

Dylan Moran: London's fine, but there's a whole raft of skills you have to absorb if you're going to get around without killing anybody, or starting screaming at bins. There's a fine line between yourself and the man you're walking around to avoid because he's busy screaming at a bin. Cash point not working, taxi doesn't turn up, your zucchini doesn't arrive on time, and there you are - you're out there... is very fragile, it could all go at any time.

Q: There was this pub in Clapham which used to be full of old shouty Irish guys. They all wore suits, even if they'd been on a building site. It was a uniform, the one multi-purpose suit.

Dylan Moran: Well, that's not true - often they'd have two. They wear the jacket from one and the trousers from another. That's a very Celtic look, it signals your unavailability for work. If you wear the matching suit you could possibly get hired in some capacity, but if you wear the brown trousers and the blue jacket it means you have somewhere to go; you have appointments with other similarly dressed men to discuss the possible fortunes of some horse in the 3.40. Suits are the cornerstone of any self-respecting man's wardrobe. Good for hod-carrying, sleeping in...and you look good in court." - Dylan Moran (Esquire interview).

"I have three New Year's resolutions. The first is to say 'Mushi-Mushi' in a slow drawl when I answer the phone instead of hello. The second is to post some original material here before March. The third I've already forgotten, I think it had something to do with improving myself or humanity, or possibly crushing all my enemies. At any rate it was a lot of blah blah blah that will never happen." - Carter


  1. I'm sure the crushing of your enemies will necessarily improve humanity. As to the original material, we'll be holding you to that.

  2. I like to think that my polemics against the manorail contributed to its defeat. They didn't, of course, but I still like to think that.

    Happy New Year.

  3. Regarding the two mismatched suits as the essential Irish look, that's what James Joyce wears in Tom Stoppard's "Travesties" during the scenes where he's a travesty Irishman.

  4. I've always wanted to see that play. Maybe I should read it.

    I don't like most stand-ups, and I really enjoy Moran's. His TV show Black Books was teriffic too. I probably should've linked to the site that came from, I think it was or something like that.

  5. This year I resolve to answer the phone with "Ahoy, Ahoy", and to keep the fliver parked in the gatehouse.

  6. Here's a little coincidence for you, I almost mentioned that "Ahoy, ahoy" was what Alexander Graham Bell hoped everyone would use when answering the phone, but then my typing finger got tired so I left it out.

    Maybe we should all say "Chips ahoy!" when answering the phone. And by say I mean yell.

  7. By the way STAG, what day do you Canadians celebrate New Years?


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