July news funebrial

On July 2 the bodies of popular masked midget wrestlers La Parkita and El Espectrito Jr. were found in a Mexico City hotel room. Authorities believe the tiny grapplers were drugged and murdered by thieving whores.

Author, investigator, and Fortean theorist John Keel died of cancer on July 3. Keel coined the highly useful terms “ultraterrestrials” and “MIB (Men in Black)”. His most famous book was The Mothman Prophecies. Keel was 79.

Walter Cronkite died on July 17, at the age of 92. Beginning in 1962 “Uncle Walter”, as pudding heads called him, read the news on television for the CBS network. Eventually Cronkite became “the most trusted man in America”, demonstrating the hypnotic power of the idiot box, and the ease with which Americans are gulled. Cronkite left CBS in 1981 amid allegations he had drunkenly raped CBS colleague Bob “The Captain Kangaroo” Keeshan during an out of control office party. Late in life Cronkite dated the older sister of singer Carly Simon.


  1. "Once when he was asked how he’d like to die, creepy old man Cronkite said “I’d like to go out the way Errol Flynn did – on a 60 foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress.” His wife, sitting beside him, quickly put a damper on this fantasy by adding, “You’ll be lucky to get a 16-foot yacht and a 60-year-old mistress.” (Reports of his death have thus far not specified which it turned out to be.)"

    "A friend of mine for whom Cronkite recorded some historical narratives on tape once told me that Cronkite seemed to have surprisingly little idea of the meaning of anything he was reading; he also read “King George III” as “King George Three,” and had to be told that the preferred rendering was “the Third.”"

  2. Funny. See also: "Cronkite had a fun-loving[sic] side that included often pretending to do a strip-tease for guests".

  3. That's all right if he was just pretending. One shudders (OK, just me ) to think of the alternative.

  4. My favorite Walter Kronkite quote: "I'm happy to be seated at the right hand of Satan"

    --said while sitting to the left of Hillary Clinton at a meeting of the World Federalist Association honoring him for his decades of advocacy for One World Government.



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