Across Difficult Country

Isolate Ebola cases on a tiki-themed party barge floating five to ten miles offshore; staff the party barge with RI-MANs , deliver supplies by drone. This will contain the spread of infection and provide a festive environment in which to die a horrible death. (If you’re wondering why I haven’t mentioned restricting travel from Africa it’s because I’m focused on realistic solutions.)

Still no demand for Polish apples in Ukraine . The 'Jack' of All Fruits - The Indelible, Edible 'Jackfruit' . Thomaston Man Arrested After Stabbing Watermelon . Blackface Is Big in Germany . Actor-Explorer Hunting Fawcett Appeals for Aid; Albert de Winton Says He is Held by Indian Tribe .

When I heard Robin Williams committed suicide "by asphyxiation" I immediately wondered if he hanged himself with those rainbow suspenders. If not, what a missed opportunity.

I’ve been trying to be concerned about this whole Ebola thing , unfortunately “Ebola” sounds like the name of an R&B band who plays Thursday nights at the Horseshoe Casino in Cleveland (“Dance the night away to the smooth, soulful sounds of Ebola! Free parking, no cover.”), which incapacitates my admittedly underdeveloped concern faculties.

A reader named Garland forwards an incredible story from Uganda : In a bizarre incident in Nebbi district, a policeman says he was attacked by an aggressive tortoise at his home.  Charles Onegiu, who is attached to Ndew Police Post in Ndew sub-county, says he was in his grass-thatched hut sipping away on a cup of tea when the incident happened. The tortoise crept in and when Onegiu tried to scare it off, the hard-shelled creature appeared unfazed, and instead turned aggressive. The policeman, who had just returned home after a long field day training crime preventers, tried to wave off his unwanted visitor.  “I tried to scare it but the tortoise became very aggressive. I took a stick to chase it but it instead became more violent making me to make alarm. “I immediately picked a plastic chair to hit it. It then got out of the hut and moved towards the latrine as people rushed to my rescue,” he told New Vision.  The shaken Onegiu then instinctively reached for ...

I've added Pepper, Softbank’s new “humanoid” robot , to my list of enemies; partly because he’s a charlatan who pretends to understand human emotions, but mostly because of his hideous foot. In the event Pepper approaches me or intrudes on my personal space I will, in all likelihood, roundhouse kick him, and this notice releases me from any ensuing legal liability.

They teach us we are living in a sham age of eminent mediocrities.