Across Difficult Country

Local progressive ladies have invented a new way to amuse themselves : On a sunny Sunday afternoon earlier this month, about a dozen Bethany Community Church members knelt by the shores of Green Lake, filling 5-gallon jugs with water and carrying them part way around the lake. It was a way to experience, at least for a few minutes, the heavy burden borne by women and children in Uganda who sometimes walk for miles each day to get water for drinking, cooking and washing. After the physically and psychically exhausting “few minutes” it’s off to a nearby eatery for some heavy reflection and light dining (white wine, duck salad, and pan seared scallops). If these women want a more authentic and exhilarating Uganda poverty experience they should toss out some yams and then gather them back up while some Tumbo-Mbonga type dressed in a loincloth beats them with a switch for not gathering fast enough. I sense a business opportunity.

Madonna’s bid to adopt a Malawian child stalled after a judge ruled the pop star failed to meet residency requirements. Madonna intends to harvest the child’s stem cells then inject them in hopes it will slow down her over ripening process, and argues if the child is allowed to stay in Malawi it will only go to waste. President and Mrs. Obama traveled to London for the G20 Summit. There they met the Royal Family , whom Michele impressed by lifting the Queen above her head (three times). They also gave the Queen an iPod. At the actual G20 Summit the economic situation was a major concern. There was little agreement, but there was consensus that tax havens like tiny Liechtenstein who had nothing to do with causing the economic crisis should be punished . In the United States overly indulgent parents are spoiling babies by feeding them rocket fuel . On Friday the Iowa Supreme Court imposed same-sex “marriage” by judicial fiat. Homosexualists cheered the ruling, pledging to stag...

Possibly a sign of the apocalypse, squirrels are going bald in Kansas . Local authorities are urging calm and are seeking volunteers willing to approach bald squirrels in the wild and daub Rogaine on their heads. Contact the Kansas Department of Wildlife and Parks in Wichita if you would like to help.

Chinese brothels for non-black customers in Ghana .

Glen Beck’s A Christmas Sweater adjacent to Samuel Beckett’s Malone Dies . Multiple books by Nicholas Sparks, no books by Muriel Spark. Reading bad books is like smoking bad cigarettes. Smoke or read what’s good, or don’t smoke or read at all. Few people browsing Literature, many browsing Mysteries. Hard boiled sleuths, funny sleuths, brainy sleuths. Crippled sleuths, sleuths of all races, sleuths of all sexual persuasions, sleuths from every corner of the globe. Sleuths from the past, sleuths from the future, seemingly every possible permutation of sleuth…no competitive eating sleuths, make a note of it. Disturbing chap going through the True Crime titles like it’s the How-To section. Avoid eye contact. Wide selection of self-help books, yet no Controlling Your Inner Serial Killer book despite obvious need. No reason to linger in the American History section. Lots of books about Lincoln, none about Polk. No anti-American Revolution books. No Spooky Tooth in the mus...

While walking her dog in Norwich a woman had a close encounter with a stylish spaceman : The RAF report stated: “She was approached by a man who asked her if she would listen to what he had to say. She described the man as 5ft 9in, fair hair, with a Scandinavian type accent and dressed in a light brown garment similar to a flying suit. The brown jumpsuit is a classic look for extraterrestrial visitors, particularly in suede , going all the way back to 1914 . Notice how the various spacemen mix things up with different types of footwear . A Grey Alien spotted in Philadelphia went with a more casual, colorful approach : Barbara went to the men’s dept in JC Penney. While there she saw a creature that looked like an extraterrestrial. There was another woman present with her young children. She says they were rushing out of the area. Her son saying, “I want to see” and the mother replying “No you can’t, let’s go now!” Barbara in her wheelchair saw a grey man approximatel...

Anger in the accursed town of Whitby over donors being charged to give blood . Imagine the fury if Whitbians knew most of their donated blood goes not to hospitals but to local necromancers for use in occult rituals. There would be riots in Whitby’s doo-doo bestrewn streets . Whitby isn’t the only place where strange, bloody things are going on. In Ghana a man took a ride with some men in black in “a green ford bus (with tainted glass)” and barely escaped with his life : What was supposed to be an incident free ride from Pokuase, near Achimota to Suhum in the Eastern Region, landed a 29-year old man in a mysterious room surrounded by men drawling blood from his legs. “Lying half conscious on a sheepskin and surrounded by lighted candles in a very large hall, my only prayer was on how to make it back home alive. Through my half-opened eyes, I could see three naked girls across the hall with their hands tied behind them, and above me was a very large mirror built into the ceiling fro...