Across Difficult Country

An immense orange UFO witnesses describe as “Dorito shaped” returned to the skies over Dudley. 1  It flew around for a while, then left. 2 I recall writing about the Dudley Dorito’s earlier appearances , but find no mention of it in the archives. 3  I also remember seeing an advertisement for the Chia® Hitler in the back of a magazine, sometime in the early 90’s, but I can’t locate any evidence such a product ever existed, which complicates my Christmas shopping. 1 Apparently the seductive contours of junk food are crowding basic shapes out of the popular mind. 2 The timing is slightly suspicious . 3 The inventor of Doritos, Arch West, died in September. He was 97 .

The Whitby Gazette reports Whitby is “under water” after a “freakish set of circumstances”. Does Whitby ever have any other kind? The Whitby Gazette is not reporting a number of Whitbians were nearly drowned by something in the floodwater that grabbed their ankles and tried to pull them under, but my sources tell me it’s happening. On this day in 1974 a Frenchman, whom we will call Jacques M. because he wishes to remain anonymous, was driving at night when he “suddenly saw a man at least eight feet tall in the light of his car's headlights, standing by the roadside. This being was milky white in color, as if wearing a tight white coverall, and his round head was without hair or facial features.”  On this day in 1979 , a couple in Puerto Rico saw the same figure in white coveralls standing on a “luminous“ flying platform, only now he was also wearing a “large helmet with a dark visor that completely covered his face”, and had shrunk to a height of four feet. On ...

Mulazim Awwal Moamer  Mohammad Abu Minyar al-Kazzafi. In Libya, Sarkozy and Obama helped rebels murder Muammar Gaddafi*. Why is unclear, perhaps they envied Mr. Khaddafi’s style. Obama inserted troops into Uganda , which sounds vaguely dirty, and probably is. In the UK Mike Newman, a blind man, flew a plane for a record setting 26 consecutive loops . He insists he did it on purpose. *Prounced Qadhdhafi .

I can’t always remember their names, but in my nightmares I can see their faces. As the commissioner of the Georgia Department of Corrections from 1992 until 1995, I oversaw five executions. The first two were Thomas Dean Stevens and Christopher Burger, accomplices in a monstrous crime: as teenagers in 1977, they robbed and raped a cabdriver, put him in the trunk of a car, and pushed the vehicle into a pond . I had no doubt that they were guilty: they admitted it to me. But now it was 1993 and they were in their 30s. All these years later, after a little frontal-lobe development, they were entirely different people . - Allen Ault, " I Ordered Death in Georgia ."

Footage of the legendary Zambian Space Programme  has turned up: To this day many question  official explanations for ending the Apollo missions. I sometimes wonder if we stopped going to the moon because we found ZSP Afronauts up there.

Scientists say the asteroid Apophis could crash into the Earth in 2036. The impact wouldn’t end life as we know it (Apophis only weighs 46 million tons), but damage would be significant, particularly for those foolish enough to get between the asteroid and its chosen landing place. Luckily for Earth, the Chinamen are sending a solar sail powered spacecraft to intercept the celestial boulder. Shengping Gong of Tsinghua University in Beijing explains: “When the asteroid gets within range, the spacecraft will spray it with melamine tainted milk, then bombard it with an assortment of lead contaminated gewgaws . If that fails to deter, the craft will crash into the asteroid, deflecting it.”* And if that doesn’t work? “If that doesn’t work, we will put pee-pee in your Coke.” So there you have it. * Mr. Gong’s lack of a stereotypical accent surprises me, too .

The  Reconnecting With The People bus tour  continues... “Driver, why have we stopped?” “I’m having trouble locating Upper Volta on the map.” “Find Lower Volta, then head north.” “It’s not called Upper Volta anymore. They renamed it Burkina Faso.” “They did? Burkina Faso sounds like some sort of seaweed-tofu pie you might get at one of those horrible vegetarian restaurants. I narrowly escaped eating at a vegetarian restaurant once. It had a deceptive façade, so I walked right in. Waiting to be seated, though, I managed to sense something was wrong. Then it hit me - I’m in one of those horrible vegetarian restaurants, and I got out. I’ve had a lot of narrow escapes. Remind me to tell you about them some time.” “I will.” “Maybe we should forget about Upper Volta.” “Burkina Faso.” “Both of them.” “As you wish.