Since 2001 the British have traditionally celebrated Jewish Holocaust Memorial Day on January 27. From its inception, many have complained the holiday excludes other, non-Jews who were also subject to systematic and planned extermination. A simple solution would be to set aside a day for each victim group: whether Jewish, Gypsy, Mohican, Tutsi, Carthaginian, Armenian, Canaanite, or what have you. But that would mean too much vacation for everyone, victims and non-victims alike, and idle time can not be tolerated in our modern age where efficiency and productivity are everything.

Instead, advisers to the insipid Tony Blair have recommended scrapping Jewish Holocaust Memorial Day and replacing it with the generic Genocide Memorial Day. This attempt to please everyone will only please no one. Americans can testify to this, having undergone the combining of Washington and Lincoln’s birthdays into President's Day. It not only cheated everyone out of an extra day off, but worse, merging the separate holidays made it impossible to celebrate either one, since the distinctive celebrations of each are incompatible. And what celebrations they were. I can still recall as a boy how on Washington’s Birthday everyone in town would wear powdered wigs, cherry pie was served, and we would all drink applejack. For Lincoln’s birthday, in contrast, the children would dress as slaves. We would all gather in the town square and there, the tallest of the boys, dressed as Lincoln in top hat and overcoat would read a proclamation ‘freeing us’. The adults would applaud and the children would dance. Suddenly, a boy dressed as a 19th century stage actor would appear and pretend to shoot the boy dressed as Lincoln in the back of the head. The crowd would fall into silence for precisely four-score and seven seconds. Then the adults would applaud and the children would dance, and we would all drink applejack.

I predict that in the future there will be only one holiday, a combination of all existing and all possible holidays. This day will be called “Holiday”, and on this day everyone will stay home from work and watch television.


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  2. 365 days being snapped on apple jack. Has a certain merit imho.

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