Nothing enlivens an arctic winter quite like an obese elephant

Apparently not content with the vast abundance of native wildlife (fish, grizzly bears, whales, Eskimos, etc.) in their state, the silly people of Alaska have imported a a 23-year-old female African elephant named Maggie to gawk at. Naturally, the elephant finds the frozen climate disagreeable. Worse, Alaskans are forcing the poor pachyderm to work out on a gigantic treadmill, because they have decided the unhappy elephant is fat. Which she is, of course, because all elephants are fat. I wonder if the Alaskans will figure this out before the exercise and diet regime they've imposed manages to kill her?


  1. Your suggestion that the people of Alaska are cruel and bizarre for putting an elephant on a treadmill clearly reveals your own inexperience in attempting the same with a Grizzly Bear.

  2. Even if I knew a Grizzly bear's phone number, I wouldn't call him. Know what I'm sayin'?


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