Dispatches from here and abroad

From Wetwang comes word of a brick attack in Wetwang. Anyone with information please contact the police at 0845 6060222.

With the fallout from her remarks about the RFK assassination still lingering, Sen. Clinton may have triggered a new controversy when she announced another reason she would not drop out of the presidential race was the remote but very real possibility of Obama suffering a brick attack in Wetwang. “We all remember that brick attack in Wetwang. I don't understand it. But like you, I remember it.”

Locally, a sad-faced man in a bar was overheard lamenting modern romance: “I had no idea she would leave. It came out of nowhere, like a brick attack in Wetwang.”

A Long Island businessman admitted giving Isreali Prime Minister Ehud Olmert “$150000, mostly in cash stuffed into envelopes,” but denied ever giving Olmert a brick attack in Wetwang.

The Barack Obama campaign said the candidate misspoke when relating the story of a great-uncle who rescued Jews from a brick attack in Wetwang. The Democratic presidential candidate said the story is accurate, except that the brick attack was in Garton-on-the-Wolds, not Wetwang.

In Canada, a French skydiver's attempt to leap from the stratosphere went awry after the balloon meant to carry him 130,000 feet into the air floated away without him: "It was like having a hammer over my head," he said later. "It was like a brick attack in Wetwang. When it doesn't work like that you just cannot think of anything, except bricks, and attacks, and Wetwangs."

At the Cannes Film festival elderly actress Sharon Stone speculated the May 12th Chinese Earthquake may have been triggered by “bad karma.” The remarks provoked outrage across China, one government official likened them to a “blick attack in Dandong.”


  1. A "brick attack in Wetwang" sounds very painful.

  2. In a way it sounds like what Radiohead should title their next album.

  3. A guy near me opened a Greek gyro shop next to a Chinese restaurant owned by a fellow from Dandong. He loved to taunt him for his funny Chinese accent, asking him "what's today's special, Chinaman? FLIED LICE?". So the man from Dandong took some English speech lessons and improved his pronunciation. The next time the smart alecky Greek asked him what the special of the day was, the Chinaman told him "its FRIED RICE, you FLUCKING GLEEK!"

  4. I had no idea that Garton-on-the Wolds was an East Riding of Yorkshire community.

  5. I had no idea I would develop an unhealthy fascination with newspaper reports from that area.

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