Pathos has become bathos

Tsunami relief efforts continue. In Hong Kong, stars including Jackie Chan are recording a Chinese version of We are the World. As I’m sure the people of Sri Lanka would agree, there is no greater consolation in the aftermath of catastrophe than an inane pop song, badly sung in a language one doesn’t understand.

Speaking of tidal wave victims in Sri Lanka, the search for the still missing male lover of interior designer and minor television celebrity Nate Berkus continues. As Mr. Berkus tells it, he was happily lying in bed at a Sri Lankan resort, his male lover right behind him when the wave hit. Mr. Berkus survived by clinging to a pole, but "His friend...was torn away from the same pole", which must have surprised both of them. Talk show host and humanitarian Oprah has stopped eating long enough to hire a group of ex-Marines to locate Mr. Berkus buddy, bless her. Despite giving undue attention to this trivial story for some reason the mainstream press has made no mention of why Sri Lanka is such a popular vacation spot for homosexualist tourists. How odd.

The media has also failed to give any attention to any of the Thai tsunami victims that worked as 'bar girls' in the Phuket red light district. Think of the sad final seconds of such a girl: one moment she’s naked on stage entertaining a group of sweaty, overweight tourists by shooting Ping-Pong balls out of her vagina, the next moment she’s full fathom five. The thought of it makes my penis sad.

But even though the stealing of relief aid by corrupt local authorities has most certainly already begun, we all should still try and help. If you can’t record a pop song, donate something to charity: bottled water, canned food, some Ping-Pong balls, etc. I purchased a large crate of bibles, and have sent them to Aceh in the care of my good friend and rescue volunteer Professor Glen Morangie with instructions to drop them from a helicopter into the outstretched arms of the suffering locals. Hopefully he will take them out of the crate first.


  1. Ah, the Phuket red light district. I spent a month there one weekend.

    It was, I believe, in the NE Cock'l doodle dew, a branch of the Lucky Stiff Hotel chain made famous by televangelists everywhere. The chambermaids are so famous for their remarkably funny line..."will you be needing the room the full night sir?"

    Of course, I always enjoyed dining at their restaurant, the "Little Man in the Boat Cafe". I have been known to eat there all day!

  2. Things you find while blogging!

    War of the WHores
    As the war in Iraq continues, a different kind of “war” has been going on for months now in neighboring Syria – one that has its roots, among others, in the aftermath of Saddam’s ouster.
    In the past few months, a mini “world war” has been taking place between prostitutes in Syria: the many immigrants from Iraq have simply “stolen” the jobs of the local girls. However, the Syrian whores have decided not to surrender and have engaged in war by spreading rumors, claiming, “The immigrants are all sick with AIDS”.
    In recent months, the whores working in Damascus have complained about the “aggressive conquering” of their clientele by foreign workers. The market of whores, as well as other markets, has suffered due to the wave of immigration from neighboring Iraq.
    A Syrian intellectual has said that the number of whores in Damascus stands at 30,000, however a source in the Iraqi consulate in the city said this estimate was an exaggeration. In any case, it is clear the Iraqi whores have flooded the neighboring country following the fall of Saddam’s regime – either out of fear for their lives due to killings by local religious groups or out of a keen desire to find new clients. In this situation, in which the Syrian prostitute market has been flooded by whores from Iraq, Lebanon, Morocco, Tunisia and more, the local girls found themselves entangled in quite a problem; their business was at stake. They decided to take revenge in a unique manner by spreading rumors in the Syrian capital saying the Iraqi women had AIDS…
    The current rumor circulating Damascus is that several policemen have contracted AIDS from Iraqi whores. According to most recent rumors, the Syrian regime has been so concerned over this phenomenon that it decided to enact a law in which every Iraqi convicted of dealing with prostitution will be jailed and consequently deported from Syria.
    It seems that in one of the areas in which this business flourishes, a systematic system has been developed. Syrian or Iraqi pimps “marry” up to four whores (either from Syria, Iraq or Tunisia). In exchange for 10,000 dollars a year, the whores commit themselves to serve any client, anytime. In exchange, the pimp promises her that if she is arrested, he will release her after identifying himself to the police as her “husband”.
    The Iraqi whores work in a few centers, according to reports. In the A-Thal neighborhood of Damascus, for example, one can find night clubs in which Iraqi and Syrian women perform sensual dances. According to the reports, one can even spot women in their 50s sitting by the stage smoking nargilas. Perhaps these are the mothers of the dancers that came to watch after their daughters or perhaps to mediate between their girls and the eager clients…

  3. Fascinating. While it makes sense that Iraqis are 'flooding' the Syrian market, why are ones from "Lebanon, Morocco, Tunisia" doing so?

  4. I was young and I needed the money!

    (works for me!)


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