Across Difficult Country

“When humanity, subjugated by the terror of crime, has been driven insane by fear and horror, and when chaos has become supreme law, then the time will have come for the empire of crime.” - The Testament of Dr. Mabuse . More strange news from Whitby : A MYSTERIOUS oil spill has covered the roads around Whitby and has brought chaos to the town. Police were forced to hold up traffic at locations around the town while sand was put down. One witness described seeing pedestrians fall in the street and cars skidding as they struggled for grip in the wet conditions. Sgt Paul Delaney described the source of the spill as a "mystery". Notice the mysterious oil spill is both more elaborate (it’s no simple task to not only spread that much oil, but do it undetected) yet less physically destructive than ordinary vandalism. Why would someone do this? Because it brought chaos to the town . This is what links the bizarre and seemingly disconnected events of Whitby - the senseless crimes , th...

When I began the incredibly popular series of reports now known as The Whitby Sequence I had no idea where my investigations would lead. That sinister forces permeated the dying town of Whitby and were influencing events there was something I sensed early on, though I badly and dangerously underestimated the magnitude of the forces at work. Why Whitby I could not explain, until by accident (or by dark design?) a strange chapter in Whitbian history was revealed to me... “IN THE LATE nineteen seventies there was something of an occult convergence upon the English coastal town of Whitby. The reason for the movement of so many occultists, ex-hippies and pothead pixies, could probably be identified only by a thorough examination of the occult current of the time, along with a good analysis of the spirit of the nation. The result, however, was not only that there was a sizeable occult population in the area, but that many other occultists were in the habit of visiting the place.” “[D]uring...

I fear Whitby may soon collapse into anarchy. Each day seems to bring some new example of the once lovely town’s decline. Now Whitby Today reports attacks on ambulance staff are routine , and, shockingly: It has been revealed that one member of NHS staff was attacked every seven minutes on average by drink and drug-fuelled patients last year. Assuming the poor staffer works a 10 hour shift, this means he or she was attacked on average 86 times each workday . I’m amazed the staffer hasn’t quit, though I have to wonder if this person isn’t provoking the patients in some way. For provocateurs and victims a nice way to relax after a long day of being attacked is by enjoying live rock music performed by under 18’s. Sadly, in Whitby this rarely is an option, urban decay has left young musicians desperate for venues they can perform in : A group of four Whitby musicians are aiming to follow in the footsteps of the Arctic Monkeys – if they can find somewhere to play that is. Wasting Charlie ...

Disturbing notice in the Whitby Gazette : Whitby to host clergy conference WHITBY will be the venue for a summer conference hosted by the Bishop of Whitby to which guests from all over the world are being invited. It is due to take place between the 11 and 15 July and will look at how the Celtic tradition can help the Church in its work today. The conference will consist of four major sessions featuring internationally known speakers as well as field trips, services and time for relaxation. Delegates will be based in Whitby but will have the opportunity to visit other parts of North Yorkshire... Obviously, the idea is to lure a large number of clergyman to Whitby, then ritualistically murder them. Let us hope my exposing this diabolic plan will deter the wicked Whitbians from bringing it to bloody fruition.

The Whitby Gazette reports Whitby is “under water” after a “freakish set of circumstances”. Does Whitby ever have any other kind? The Whitby Gazette is not reporting a number of Whitbians were nearly drowned by something in the floodwater that grabbed their ankles and tried to pull them under, but my sources tell me it’s happening. On this day in 1974 a Frenchman, whom we will call Jacques M. because he wishes to remain anonymous, was driving at night when he “suddenly saw a man at least eight feet tall in the light of his car's headlights, standing by the roadside. This being was milky white in color, as if wearing a tight white coverall, and his round head was without hair or facial features.”  On this day in 1979 , a couple in Puerto Rico saw the same figure in white coveralls standing on a “luminous“ flying platform, only now he was also wearing a “large helmet with a dark visor that completely covered his face”, and had shrunk to a height of four feet. On ...

The bodies of dead seals found bludgeoned, battered, and bloody on Whitby Beach. Whitby Beach scene fit for a holiday horror show , a seafront strewn with “shards of splintered timber and glass sticking out” and “youngsters playing in the sand with wood riddled with nails”. Naked body of a middle-aged woman washes up on Whitby beach. Finally, some good news, as Whitby Beaches named as some of nation's best to visit .

First the appearance of the Sandsend blob , followed by a plague of rampaging rats , and prancing Goths . Next the arrival of a huge, inexplicable vulture , coinciding with an outbreak of religious icons being desecrated and children running amok as if possessed, then animals were being brutally killed by an unknown assailant. Now a mysterious black panther known as the Beast of the Bay has returned and is prowling again in and around the town of Whitby. O flabby and sad men of Whitby, what terrible secrets, what crimes, what dark rituals must you be hiding for Whitby to be so damned?

Others finally notice he monstrous evil of Whitby. The Whitby Gazette reports : “A Japanese television crew is currently filming in Whitby as part of an educational programme to be shown on NHK – Japan's equivalent of the BBC.” While the NHK educates the Japanese people about Whitby’s dangers, the U.S. media continues to ignore the situation. I attribute this neglect to incompetence and irresponsibility, but I am beginning to wonder. In Turkmenistan, where standards for clerical work are quite high, apparently, President Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov signed a decree “severely reprimanding” press secretary Kakageldi Chariyardurdiev for assorted malfeasances, including “failing to highlight”, and “improper organization”. The President then signed a decree relieving Chairman of the Supreme Chamber of Control of Turkmenistan Gochguly Saparlyev of his duties (“failing to fulfill responsibilities”), followed by a decree appointing Deputy Chairman of the chamber Gadyrgeldi Mushshikov ac...

Gildercliffe hoodlums are stealing vans then using them to launch attacks on Whitby : Reckless Ben Stanley, 18, of Gildercliffe, Scarborough, became intoxicated at a friend’s birthday bash before setting off to steal a Vauxhall van. Despite being more than twice over the limit, Stanley – who does not have a full driving licence - then embarked on a terrifying drive all the way to Whitby, regardless of the dangers to other drivers and residents. He smashed into two parked cars and a wall in the Bog Hall area of the town. Not to condone Reckless Ben Stanley’s senseless mayhem, to a certain degree Whitby has it coming. In other crime news, a three-ton meteorite has been stolen from UFO researcher Yury Lavbin’s compound in Krasnoyarsk, Siberia. Perhaps the meteorite is a large enough object that remote viewers could locate it? They’ve certainly had no luck identifying the small curio which sits on the left corner of the shelf above my desk, despite the offer of a $1 million prize for do...

I discover Whitby’s oldest tradition is a ritual penance for the murder of a hermit , which I‘m sure doesn't surprise you.* In other Whitby news, children are terrified by the packs of dogs roaming Whitby’s beaches. Whitby’s beaches are “ among the best places to visit in the whole country ”. Meanwhile, in Grimsby, the library staff are “brilliant” and bright red “slipper socks” have been “ rolled out on the wards ”. If the Grimbarians ever ritually murdered a hermit they've done a good job of covering it up, there’s nothing on the record. * I could go on at length about the symbolic significance of the hermit being killed by three hunters, and all the triadic aspects of the ritual. I’m sure that doesn't surprise you, either.

If she doesn’t get £30 million Whitby will “ fall into the sea ”, or so an “expert” touted by Whitby’s alarmist local newspaper would have you believe. It sounds like a huge scam, though it may be Whitby's Atlantis-like demise is the inexorable fulfillment of some ancient curse. Either way, spending the £30 million will be a huge waste.

Photograph of anomalous big cat roaming field. The Black Beast of the Bay (an anomalous big cat ) was spotted prowling Whitby again this summer . The accursed town was also attacked by a raft of poisonous snakes , and at the moment the air in Whitby is obscured by massive swarms of insects . The bugs have “caused havoc”, are “known to spread diseases”, and are capable of “ infesting the softest parts ”. Ominously, “Experts predict the invasion will…soon attract…predators.” Meanwhile, in Driffield, absolutely nothing continues to happen .

Anger in the accursed town of Whitby over donors being charged to give blood . Imagine the fury if Whitbians knew most of their donated blood goes not to hospitals but to local necromancers for use in occult rituals. There would be riots in Whitby’s doo-doo bestrewn streets . Whitby isn’t the only place where strange, bloody things are going on. In Ghana a man took a ride with some men in black in “a green ford bus (with tainted glass)” and barely escaped with his life : What was supposed to be an incident free ride from Pokuase, near Achimota to Suhum in the Eastern Region, landed a 29-year old man in a mysterious room surrounded by men drawling blood from his legs. “Lying half conscious on a sheepskin and surrounded by lighted candles in a very large hall, my only prayer was on how to make it back home alive. Through my half-opened eyes, I could see three naked girls across the hall with their hands tied behind them, and above me was a very large mirror built into the ceiling fro...

In the Whitby Gazette Jacqui Carter (no relation) writes: Banana bread help I would be grateful for your readers’ help as I have lost my banana bread recipe; I have bananas but no recipe. Can anyone send me one and a bread and butter recipe. Poor, naive, Jacqui Carter (no relation), believe me when I say you will receive no help from the wicked inhabitants of Whitby, for Whitby is an accursed town of the damned . Loyal ADC readers, on the other hand, are nice people known for having jugs of Christmas spirit. I'm betting they can find it in their hearts to give Jacqui Carter (no relation) a banana. Send bananas to: Jacqui Carter 101 Millbrook Avenue, Middlesbrough TS3 9EA, UK

The accursed town of Whitby has been busy upgrading its infrastructure. To retain the element of surprise most of the improvements are still secret, but it's now known the East Pier has been modified to deliver painful, potentially lethal electric shocks. So far only a dog has been zapped , but Whitby’s civic leaders are confident warmer weather will bring plenty of children and tourists out of doors and down to the pier to be electrocuted.

A pleasant family trip to Whitby became a horror for S. Bottomley of Wilken Crescent, Guisborough, after he was unable to find an open public toilet. Bottomley asks: What kind of thinking is behind this situation where a town that relies on a large part of its income from tourists and visitors shuts up its public conveniences to save money but at the same time deters people from visiting again? In all fairness, it’s difficult to think about tourist crappers with signs of impending anarchy everywhere - reports of youth gangs running amok and religious icons being desecrated have become routine. Another ominous sign for Whitby: a huge vulture of undetermined species has appeared out of nowhere and taken up residence in a Whitby copse.

The Sunday Sport newspaper has reported the controversial sport of Tieraufstapelung , or animal stacking, is coming to Whitby : “a sick animal circus which forces bears to ride horses and monkeys to ride goats is set to be staged in Whitby. The Sunday Sport said the Animal Olympics, which has been an annual event in Guilin, China for the past 10 years, is coming to the town in August.” This may be nothing more than an odd coincidence, or it may be I have a fan working for the UK’s finest newspaper, or it may be I am unknowingly entwined in the diabolic tendrils of Whitbian thaumaturgy, and it is already too late.

The Northern Echo reports :    A Labour politician has stunned his town council colleagues by claiming his “real mother” is a 9ft green alien with eight fingers.  Councillor Simon Parkes, who was elected to represent Stakesby ward on Whitby Town Council last month, said although he has had hundreds of close encounters with extra-terrestrials, it will not interfere with his mission to help residents at the seaside resort. Speaking on YouTube , Coun Parkes said he first saw an alien at the age of eight months, when “a traditional kite-shaped face”, with huge eyes, tiny nostrils and a thin mouth appeared over his cot.  He said: “Two green stick things came in. I was aware of some movement over my head. I thought, ‘they’re not mummy’s hands, mummy’s hands are pink’.” He added: “I was looking straight into its face. It enters my mind through my eyes and it sends a message down my optic nerve into my brain.  “It says ‘I am your real mother, I am you...

Initial hopes the discovery of a “reclusive” sea creature resembling a "translucent doughnut" would lead to a revolution in snacking (imagine something like a fresh lobster tank, only filled with living donuts) were dashed after scientists determined the animal, Diazona angulata , was filled with deadly toxins. Speaking of creatures, I frequently scan the pages of Whitby Today hoping to find there’s been another sighting of the mysterious Sandsend Blob . None has been reported, though the appearance of a different kind of animal recently drew quite a crowd to Whitby Harbour - a seal pup , which looked to be trapped on the rocks "next to the bandstand". It turns out the juvenile pinniped was only resting, and after being annoyed by the local authorities scampered down the beach to the water’s edge, then "headed out to sea after its short stay in the town maybe to return one day soon in the future." Maybe someday the Blob will return, too.

The results of the first ADC customer satisfaction survey which asked How can ADC be improved? are in. 18% want more frequent posting, meaning 82% of readers think I’m posting enough or too much. 18% want to see more travel posts. We all have dreams, I suppose. No one wants more political posts, meaning 100% of readers agree with me democracy has failed, and discussing politics only serves to distract from time better spent stockpiling guns and ammunition. Counting my own vote, one person wants to see more Whitby posts. Meaning no one, except me, cares the little town of Whitby was nearly smote by a tornado (that’s right, a tornado) and no one, other than myself, wants me to explain how the source of this freakish weather event is undoubtedly Whitbian diabolists trifling with storm demons the Chaldeans called shedu . Bastards. 27% want more Hegel posts. Hegel once wrote : General gravitation must be recognised for itself as a profound thought, which constitutes an absolute basis for...